MUSIC IS THE WINE THAT FILLS THE CUP OF SILENCE

The other day I was driving and while stopped at a red light, I witnessed a young woman singing (windows closed)at the top of her lungs. As the radio blasted, her face exuded sheer delight. She seemed to be in ecstasy. Her happiness was contagious, and it immediately put a smile on my face. I began to reminisce and remembered that as early as five years old, I have loved to listen to music and I have loved to dance. I still do! Everyone who knows me, also knows, that as soon as the band starts playing, I am the first on the dance floor. Therefore, my table is usually situated as close to the band as possible! At a concert, I am up from my seat and dancing along with the music much to the chagrin of the surrounding audience! My love of rock and pop music began with American Bandstand and Dick Clark. I would tune in each day with my (much!)older sister. As the music started, I would grab the den curtains and utilize them to stand in as my dance partner. I have to admit it was quite a visual! "Those who dance are considered insane by those who can't hear the music." George Carlin From the earliest age, as soon as I got into the car, I played the roll of DJ in search of the best song- and, to this day, I still erratically flip the stations from the Beatles, Sting, Stevie Wonder, Todd Rungren, Buffalo Springfield, Sinatra, Allman Brothers, Cindy Lauper in a matter of seconds. I am frantic to find what is the best song playing RIGHT NOW! "On some nights I still believe that a car with the gas needle on empty can run about fifty miles more if you have the right music very loud on the radio." Hunter Thompson Another passion is watching television musicals and attending original and revival Broadway shows. When I was too young to attend Broadway, my favorite television movies starred Fred Astaire. Astaire's sinewy body showed off his incredible fashion sense. His style and grace, in combination with his immense dancing and singing talent could mesmerize me for hours. He is one of the greatest dancers of all time, and two of my favorite films are Top Hat and Daddy Long Legs. If an Astaire movie comes on, I must watch from beginning to end. All t.v. musicals entice me - The Sound of Music, Guys and Dolls, West Side Story, Music Man, Gypsy, Little Shop of Horrors, Mary Poppins, Fame, Dirty Dancing..... I could go on forever. Nothing gives me greater joy than singing along with each and every song from these musicals. " Music is the universal language of mankind." Henry Wadsworth Longfellow We can all agree that music has the power to lift us up, refresh you, energize you, feed the soul, and cure what ails you. It seems we are most content when we can pursue the things that make us feel fully alive. Music is that 'thing' for me. So, when I became old enough, my parents would regularly take me to Broadway Shows. At $25 a ticket, it was reasonable to take your family often. An ideal outing for me was getting gussied up, attend a great musical, and then end our day with dinner at Van Rapoport's Spindletop on West 47th. A double sirloin for two was a mere $16!! My love of musicals expanded once I started this ritual of going to Broadway. My epiphany was that I could look around the theater and see how the power of music would somehow unite all types of people from all over the world. We could differ on everything, but when Jennifer Holiday brings the house down with "And I am telling you", we all have the chills from that outstanding performance in common. A special song has the ability to elicit the fond memory of your first kiss, the first day of middle school, walking down the aisle, your wedding dance with your father, or the birth of a child. Because Broadway has been dark due to Covid, I spend time in my car listening the the radio or at home listening to old albums. I love Pop and Rock and Roll. That scratchy sound of the needle on the record player is oddly calming to me. Joni Mitchell, Prince, Sinatra, Buffalo Springfield, Bruno Mars, the Beatles, the Turtles, Traffic-they all fill me with delight. Music brings me peace, and has washes away the stress of the day even if just for a few minutes. I wonder how music can sometimes make me ache, and yet at the same time make me feel so good (think Adele). "Music makes the world to round Music makes you feel the groove Music makes you feel glad Music makes you higher than skies above Music turns your darkest night into blinding light" The Hamiltons Debie's Top Broadway Performance picks: Jennifer Holiday in Dreamgirls 1983 Cynthia Erivo in The Color Purple 2016 Sammy Davis Jr in Golden Boy 1964 Ann Reinking in A Chorus Line 1977 Ben Platt in Dear Evan Hansen 2016 Mary Martin in The Sound of Music 1961 Raul Julia and Sheena Easton in Man of La Mancha 1992 HAPPY AND HEALTHY NEW YEAR! DANCE LIKE NOONE'S WATCHING! PEACE OUT-ONE B

"GET THE STRIFE OUT OF YOUR LIFE"

Okay-I admit it. I am a huge fan of Joel Osteen! Yes, I am a Jew. But, I am not a religious Jew. Nor do I believe that Jesus is my Lord and Savior. How did my fondness for this preacher come about? I am a news junky. I never leave the house on Sunday mornings whether it's Winter or Summer. I must watch all the political morning shows and finally at 11:30, when they all end, Joel Osteen magically appears on my television! This attractive pastor (not so young, but looks very youthful) always starts his sermons with a joke and more often than not, they are very funny jokes. He is also a great story teller. So now, he gets me hooked with the amusing joke or story, and I go on to listen to his sermons. All sermons have themes, and sometimes Osteen's themes are just mediocre. But generally, somewhere within the sermon, he offers advice that speaks to me, and helps me navigate towards positive thoughts for the day. I'll get to all that in a minute-First, I need to address my close relatives and friends who are totally appalled that I could like this man! They point out that he didn't open his church to those in need during winter floods and hurricanes. They insist he is a grifter that takes money from those who don't have money to spare. They rant that he is a Capitalist over a Christian. That he is not a spiritual leader but rather a cross between greed and religion, etc. etc. This may all be true, but it doesn't impact my new habit of listening to him each day for a few minutes on Sirius in the car! I can ignore the above criticisms and ultimately, I find him to be more helpful and hopeful than any hour long session with a shrink. I feel uplifted, happy, and more optimistic after a few minutes of listening. So what is his mass appeal? And, specifically, why does he appeal to me? For me, he is merely a motivational speaker with a religious bent. He is not overtly religious and is more ecumenical. I easily ignore the religion aspect. He delivers messages of hope during our bad times: such as the covid pandemic, death, sickness, money issues, and relationship issues with spouses or relatives, and betrayals by friends. In essence, he has figured out a way to market religion to a wider audience. He doesn't call people sinners or judge you for wrongdoing. He doesn't instill guilt or fear. Rather, he talks more about morals and integrity. He doesn't scold or insist you repent for mistakes. He is the ultimate optimist. He wants us to rid the negativity in our lives. Prosperity for him is peace, feeling blessed, and being able to pay the bills! He teaches me to let go of the strife and the stress and move toward a productive outcome. He teaches me to compromise with those that matter to me; to make allowances for the sake of keeping peace; and not to keep a record of every mistake. He preaches that strength and weaknesses complement and complete each other. And, yet He also suggests we let go of the people who bring negativity into our lives, which is often hard to do. We should have acceptance without expectations which is also not an easy concept for me. And finally, he ends his sermons with a "SAY IT LIKE YOU MEAN IT"! I love that!! All this may seem like hooey to you and I understand why. He may seem disingenuous and I certainly understand that perspective too. But, for me, those few minutes in the car each day, when I'm stressed out about a work issue, a friend problem, a family health situation, or whatever else-Joel Osteen has the ability to calm me down. He makes me take a breath, and gives me a little chuckle at the same time. He's like an edible with a shot of vodka...mellow and pleasurable simultaneously. PEACE OUT-ONE B `

WHAT BOOKS HAVE MADE A LASTING IMPRESSION IN YOUR LIFE?

I have always loved to read. I used to read 4-5 books a week. I consider books my friends. I am very hesitant to loan out my books in fear that you will never return them, and that causes me great anxiety. I do not own a Kindle, nor do I want one. I need to dog ear my pages and underline sentences that speak to me. In my opinion, books are like going on a fantastic voyage to a far away place. You don't have to leave your chair, yet you can travel to the unknown and explore infinite emotions. I often go back and look at quotes I have underlined and it brings me right back to the story. Unfortunately, for various reasons, I have not had the attention span to read lately. Between losing my dad, divisive politics on the news all day long, Covid, and caring for an ailing Mom; reading has not appealed to me. In order to begin reading again, I need a book that will literally grab me on the first page. In the past few years, I have started so many novels and put them down never to reach for them again. This is so unlike me. I ALWAYS finish a book. But, I just haven't found one that will once again lead me back on the path of devouring a book in one day. My earliest memory of a book and still one of my favorites, was Harold And The Purple Crayon by Crockett Johnson, written in 1955. Harold, a curious little boy, has the power to develop a world of his own just by drawing it. He uses his imagination to create beauty and excitement. I loved this concept. His use of an oversized purple crayon to satisfy his imagination and curiousity, is exactly how books act as my own purple crayon! As I got a bit older, Shel Silverstein was a book of poems that I often read. Ther are so many wonderful lessons for children. I especially loved this quote: "Do a loony-goony dance 'cross the kitchen floor. Put something silly in the world that ain't been seen before." He's saying don't conform. It's okay to be different, and to think outside of the box. Dare to create what has not been done before. Today, there is so much pressure on kids to conform to be accepted. This little ditty tells you to have fun; be proud of who you are; and don't be afraid to try new things! Don't give in to peer pressure. Middle School and High School took me to a new level. There was Catcher in The Rye, The Great Gatsby, To Kill a Mockingbird, On the Road and Howl. Jack Kerouac's book, On the Road, is considered to be one of the best novels of all time, but it was met with shock at the time of it's release. The story is about two friends who embark on a road trip of North America. Another brilliant "Beat Generation" writer was Alan Ginsberg who wailed against capitalism and societal expectations. His book of poems sums up the generation's disdain for conforming and tradition. Everyone I know has read Catcher in The Rye! J.D.Salinger's book is about a boy's expulsion from his prep school and he narrates his story from a mental institution after suffering a nervous breakdown. Through his narration, he relays how he tries to connect with many types of people, but always fails due to his lack of maturity and his attempt to delay adulthood. As I matured, I realized my love for literature was much more about the cadence of the writing and how the words were written. For me, the plot is often secondary. I like getting lost in the dialogue and reading a sentence that places me directly into the situation. Writers that I really loved reading were Harper Lee, F. Scott Fitzgerald, John Updike and Tolstoy. Published in 1960 and a Pulitzer Prize winner, To Kill a Mockingbird is a classic of American Literature. It takes place in a small southern town, and is narrated by an 8 year old girl named Scout Finch. The plot explores human behavior focusing on the themes of kindness, hatred, racial discrimination and compassion. Lee's characters and writing should be cherished always. John Updike, who may be my favorite writer of all time, wrote a series of "Rabbit" books. A double Pulitzer Prize winning author, he explores middle class suburbia and the male psyche. The series starts out with Rabbit Angstrom, a "waspy" has-been high school basketball star. He hates his job, and is in a loveless marriage. He runs away from it all, drinks, has affairs, and suffers a few health scares. Updike's brilliance is in his spectacular writing. Phillip Roth and Updike are often compared and similar. Of different religions (Jewish and Protestant), they present common themes of male desires and angst. Their prose is opulent and I can't get enough! As for F. Scott Fitzgerald, it just doesn't get any better. Tender is the Night and The Great Gatsby are two books I have read over and over. Although Gatsby was a commercial failure at first, critics often refer to it as the "great American novel". The two books have some similar themes of materialism, searching for human fulfillment, and idealism. Fitzgerald's phrases are lyrical and poetic. He is a joy to read even if his stories are somewhat dark. Tolstoy is a very different writer from the others. Anna Karenina was a life changing experience for me. First, you need gumption to get through this huge book. But once you do, you will be so satisfied. Anna is a beautiful wealthy woman and mother, in yet again, another unhappy marriage. So, of course she escapes by having a tempestuous affair with Count Vronsky. Themes throughout the novel are love, religion, judgement, mental health, politics and isolation. Tolstoy's characters have so much depth and complexity, that you become intimate with each one of them.The writing is so superb you are totally absorbed in the story. Tolstoy has you hooked with the first line of the novel: "Happy families are all alike; every unhappy family is unhappy in its own way." Finally, some of my all time favorite novels that I read once I was married were Prince of Tides by Pat Conroy, Everything is Illuminated by Jonathan Safran Foer, The Goldfinch by Donna Tartt, and Atonement by Ian McEwan. Prince of Tides was so well written that it was very sad to finish the book. Conroy writes covers 40 years of the life of the main character, Tom Wingo and his sister, Savannah. Conroy's prose is pure perfection. I wanted to underline every sentence in the book. I would stop and read the lines out loud because they were so beautiful and descriptive. For example, "A family is one of nature's solubles; it dissolves in time like salt in rainwater." Foer's novel, too, was incredible. I remember at the end of the novel, I literally stood on my bed and cheered! The plot is about a young man who sets out to find the woman who may have saved his grandfather from the Nazi's. This was not an easy book to read. Foer's debut novel is so well written. His humor is profound and heartfelt. And, it's hilarious and heartbraking at the same time. LOVED! Donna Tartt's book was talked about by everyone at the time it was released. I am always hesitant to read what others rave about. Generally, the book never lives up to everyone's accolades. However, in the case of this Pulitzer Prize winner for fiction, I have to say I was utterly impressed. You may stay up all night to read this book. The plot is about a young boy living in New York who survives an accident that kills his mother. The book delves into the art underworld. Tartt's prose is elegant, her characters are sublime and the plot is mesmerizing. If you have not read this, I am jealous that you will be picking this up for the very first time. It is a magnificent novel. In Atonement, Ian McEwan wrotes about WWII England and a young girl who misinterprets her older sister's love affair with the family's gardener. Give the book a chance-the beginning might not be something you love, but the ending of the novel is unexpected and brilliant. If you are a lover of beautiful prose, you will enjoy reading McEwan. Upon reflection, I think a great book starts conversations. A great book develops a connection between the reader and the characters. A great book has you lose yourself in the story, and you are sad when you reach the last page. Often, great literature provokes us to think and see things that we never did before. I think a great book has you remembering and thinking about it long after you have finished it. So tell me, what was your most impactful novel? Wishing you all a VERY HAPPY THANKSGIVING! There is lots for all of us to be grateful for. PEACE OUT-ONE B

I Love You, Terry Bradshaw! You Rock!

Well everyone, this was supposed to be an intellectual blog about the books that have been life changing. But, I have been sidelined (get it!) by the recent stories about Nets guard, Kyrie Irving and the quarterback for the Green Bay Packers, Aaron Rodgers. Always an insomniac, I have watched many many appearances of Terry Bradshaw on late night talk shows. Let me be very honest. I am not a football fan, and I know nothing about the sport. But I have always gotten a kick out of watching Terry Bradshaw on Letterman and Leno. One of the greatest football players of all time, he is chock full of personality, as well as athletic ability. Bradshaw pretends to be stupid. He's not. He is always able to play the comic foil to his co-hosts whether he's guesting on late night or commentating a football game. He makes me laugh out loud. Even now, when I watch him on The Bradshaw Bunch, I find him to be funny and endearing. Maybe I relate because he, like me, always tells it like it is. He is the voice of reason. So, what is the definition of a team player? A good teammate is someone who works towards common goals for the entire team. A team player doesn't have hidden agendas, compromises when needed, doesn't keep important information to themselves, and doesn't put their teammates in jeopardy. Bradshaw was a good team player. But Aaron Rodgers is not. Here is a guy who has a four year 134 MILLION DOLLAR contract. This is his profession. This is how he makes a living. What would possess him to put his life and his teammates lives and jobs at risk? Getting the covid vaccine ceases to be a personal choice when you become part of a professional team. You are now not only putting your teammates at risk, but you are putting the referees, the trainers, the coaches, and your families in danger. In my opinion, it's bad enough that he refused to be vaccinated. But to lie about being "immunized" was the unforgivable act. Terry Bradshaw nailed it when he said that "it would have been nice if he'd just come to the Naval Academy and learned how to be honest. Learned not to lie. You lied to everyone." Instead Rodgers took ivermectin which does not create an immune response to covid, because it is primarily used to treat parasites! Clearly he wasn't protected! News Flash-he didn't miss the game yesterday because the NFL didn't allow him to play (because he hadn't been vaccinated). Rather, he missed the game because his deworming meds didn't prevent him from getting COVID. He has Covid!!!! Truthfully, I am glad they lost the game without him. But I would've been happier if they had WON without him. HAVE AT IT, Jordan Love! Get out there and show the world what you've got! I'm sorry you didn't knock everyone's socks off, but soon.. In the meantime, Prevea did the right thing by severing their relationship with Rodgers. State Farm should've made the same decision. This man lied and doesn't deserve endorsements. Why has lying become acceptable? What type of example does this set for our children and grandchildren? It is NEVER okay. He should be suspended and financially penalized. I won't even get into Rodgers misquoting Martin Luther King. Just ridiculous...And while we're discussing this, the management of the Packers are also at fault for allowing Rodgers to say he was "immunized" and allowing him not to be masked indoors. They too, should be held accountable for perpetrating these lies. Now I'll comment on Kyrie Irving. The situation is different in that he didn't lie. At least he was honest. He just refused to get the vaccine. Believe me, I consider this completely unacceptable for a professional basketball player. Not getting vaccinated cannot be a personal choice in these situations. This is pure bullsh-t. As I said above, when you are on a team, and make your living as a professional-you must follow the rules. If Irving truly loves basketball and respects his teammates, he would get the shot. One of the reasons James Harden and Kevin Durant were attracted to the Nets was because of Kyrie. He got them there, and should be standing with them. He is draining the team's chemistry. I am shocked that the players union is not mandating all players to be vaccinated. Yet, All the referees must be vaccinated!How can that be? Kyrie Irving has taken selfishness to a new level. But, Harden and Durant are two superstars that can carry the Nets. They are playing well. Truthfully, I hope they continue to win without Irving. And I wish Pepsi, Nike, and Foot Locker would discontinue their partnership with him. He doesn't deserve endorsements if he doesn't exhibit the qualities of a team player. Currently, the players on the Green Bay Packers and the Nets are refraining from voicing their opinions on Rodgers or Irving. But, mark my words. Let's wait until the season ends. Let's see what their final records are. I can promise you that players will comment on all of this once the season is over; especially if they don't come out on top. Then this silence will come to an end. PEACE OUT-ONE B

Turning 67: Reflecting on life

Recently I celebrated my sixty seventh Birthday. To be totally honest, that number totally freaks me out. On my Birthday, a high school friend asked if I would be attending our FIFTIETH REUNION? After a long pause and regaining consciousness, trembling I responded: I still feel seventeen-how could we be this old? I am now officially a Senior Citizen(for 2 years already). I am a member of AARP, I collect Social Security, I pay less to attend the movies, and in the Covid era my age now qualifies me as an individual who gets my vaccines before others. Thankfully, I haven't hit the early bird special at Denny's yet! Birthdays are often a time of reflection. I think about regrets, the advantages of being old, what I am grateful for, and lessons and wisdom that come with maturity. To be honest, I don't love the experience of mandatory colonoscopies, mammographys and ultrasounds, or the arthritis that shows up in my shoulders, knees, fingers, and toes. I regret that I am now the age where these are constant and real issues in my life. But what is, is. So,I do the required testings, and try to ignore the various nuisance issues as much as possible. Another regret might be that my parents never encouraged me to search for a career that I would love, and that I could have with a family. I wished they had stressed a career, as I did, with my daughters. Yet,I have been lucky enough to have several jobs (selling advertising for town guide books, being an activity director for an assisted living senior facility, and presently selling life and health insurance) that afforded me the opportunity to raise my girls and be present for them whenever they needed me. Not for one minute do I regret attending Christmas Choral Concerts, PTA Meetings, tennis matches, soccer and softball games, and being class mom for many years.(Maybe, I could have done without the 6 a.m. phone calls that school is closed on a snow day!) I have been fortunate enough to witness my daughters mature into fabulous, kind, honest women with terrific careers, loving marriages, and beautiful families. It's such a mind blowing experience to observe your babies develop into spectacular adults. They handle life and parenthood with patience, wisdom and grace. My husband and I like to believe we might have played a small role in that. Along the way, I hope I have lightened the load for my girls, my husband, my parents, my sister, and my friends. "No one is useless in this world who lightens the burden of it for anyone else." Charles Dickens So although I didn't become CEO of a major company, I had the true honor and privilege of being a full time Mom to my children. So, really no regrets! As I age, I have often pondered what life lessons I learned. First and Foremost, " the greatest thing you'll ever learn is just to love and to be loved in return." Eden Ahbez The only way to be happy is to love yourself so that you can love others. And after that, "the only way to be truly happy is to make others you love happy." (William Carlos Williams) Next, material objects don't buy happiness. Yes, money sure does make you life easier,and helps pay the bills; but it means nothing if you don't have your health. "The first wealth is health" (Ralph Waldo Emerson). Again, you must take care of yourself in order to take care of others. As a dentist's daughter, take care of your teeth!!! Don't ignore your body and any symptoms. Don't put off getting annual check ups! You know your body better than anyone. If something is bothering you, do not ignore it! Which brings me to the issue of what to do if you are sick. AND THIS IS MY MOST IMPORTANT LESSON: EVERYONE, NO MATTER AGE OR INTELLIGENCE, NEEDS AN ADVOCATE WITH THEM AT A DOCTOR VISIT OR AT A HOSPITAL STAY. When you are at a Doctor's office or in the hospital, the physician is spewing out a diagnosis, treatments, protocols, and medications, etc. You need to be armed with relevant questions and have someone by your side that you trust to listen, write down information, and for moral support. Often when scary information is being relayed, the patient tunes out, and memory is jumbled. BRING YOUR ADVOCATE. Another lesson (which I am still working on and trying to perfect) is LISTENING. When someone comes to you with a problem, or needs to vent their anger about work, their boss, a friend, or a family member; they just want your unconditional support, and a shoulder to lean on. They do not want your sage advice! Unless they specifically ask you, do not offer up your opinion. That is not the reason they are venting. Just LISTEN, and be there for them. Finally, this has been the hardest lesson of all for me: Lower your expectations. I have learned over the years that you cannot expect someone to act or react in the manner that you would. Family and friends are going to disappoint you at some juncture in your life. You will not always get the result you expect, and ultimately you will feel sad, and let down. It's hard, but you must let it go, and just keep going...MOVE ON! "Our heads are round so thought can change direction." Francis Picabia There are some ADVANTAGES TO GROWING OLD: 1) I am a Grandparent! Actually, I am Nonni! Grandchildren are the best invention in the world. They always make you smile, laugh,and keep you young. This is the greatest role of a lifetime! Who Knew? 2) I get to grow old with my BEST FRIEND! My husband, cofidant, and lover who is always right beside me. He's supportive, kind, patient, and really smart! Thank G-d for this guy. 3) Family dinners have increased in size as the years go on, and they happen often! Always fun! 5 kids running around like maniacs! 4) I'M NOT DEAD YET! "IN THREE WORDS, I CAN SUM UP EVERYTHING I'VE LEARNED ABOUT LIFE: IT GOES ON!" Robert Frost Happy Halloween! PEACE OUT-ONE B

WHAT MAKES YOU FEEL GOOD?

Here we are-it's my FAVORITE season! We finally get to wear our sweaters, boots, cashmere scarves, and leather jackets. The leaves are changing. The air is crisp. The moon is magnificent. Van Morrison is playing non-stop on the radio. Halloween is coming. Autumn is what makes ME feel good. Good riddance to Summer. Yesterday, while visiting with my 94 year old mom, she complemented me on the jeans I was wearing. I laughed, and told her I own about 50 pairs of jeans. She asked, "why so many jeans?" I told her that I am ALWAYS in search of the "perfect" pair of jeans. Sometimes you want ankle length. Sometimes you want a boot cut. You might want a wide leg, a baggy boyfriend jean, or a tight skinny jean. There are so many options and then to decide on dark denim, faded denim,or indigo denim? Ripped or frayed? Or no holes at all? At 66, I should never be opting for ripped jeans but summer heat often leads me there. These are the big decisions in life! Truthfully, I can't remember the last time I "dressed up". After hybernating during Covid and not frequenting nice restaurants for 18 months, there was never a reason to get fancy. I don't buy designer jeans because my body type works best with junior labels or Levi's, which are my fav. So when getting ready to go out, my first principle rule is to figure out WHICH jean will work with WHICH shoe. For example, if I want to wear a suede heel, I prefer an ankle jean. If it's a knee high boot, I need a skinny tight jean, etc. Next, the piece that I eternally search for is that fabulous white shirt. I have so many, but none that I love! Should I choose the cotton, lace, silk, satin, oversized, fitted, collar or no collar? So, once you have decided on the jean and the suede kitten heel sling back or a leather boot; just add the white shirt, a great necklace, some cool earrings and a bold bracelet. Wallah-You are ready to face the world...This outfit will take you anywhere you want....Well almost! I guess we still need to dress for those occasional black tie affairs. But luckily, they are few and far between these days. Below are my new picks for this season: both makeup and clothes....Nothing I mention is insanely priced. Everything is super affordable. Enjoy! FOR THE FEET Stuart Weitzman Keelan suede knee high boots. Comes in four colors. The light creme is very pretty. (from $299-$499). Mia Cora suede leather bootie. I love that clunky rubber bottoms are in! I'm a clutz, have knarled toes, horrendous feet and need a "big" wide shoe to keep me comfortable. The beige suede is very cool. (Only $49.99!). Prada suede scallop pointed pump-This is very simple and classic. It will never go out of style. ($750). J.Crew Colette slingback pump in suede. Comes in taupe or black or hot pink. Super cute. ($238). Aquazurra St Honoree leather zip boot-Another great clunky combat boot that comes in beige or black. ($795.00). M.Gemi-Hurray! Clogs are back! Perfect for the hippy in me and for my feet that don't do well in confinement! The "Greta" clog is the way to go. Comes in three colors. ($268.00-$275.00). FOR THE NECK Bloomingdales-They have the greatest cashmere travel wrap. It comes in 11 colors and is awesome! It makes a great gift and is perfect for the plane or an air conditioned restaurant. Love. ($198). Burberry-If you want to go for the big bucks, Burberry makes a reversible Icon Stripe wool cape in Navy that is very pretty. More like a coat than a scarf. Keeps you very warm- it's like a blanket! ($960). ARM CANDY Christian Louboutin-I love so many of his handbags! The Large Cabarock Loubinthesky perforated leather tote is so pretty. The brown and red is awesome. ($1,590). Christian Louboutin Cabata Leather Spike Mini Tote or Large Tote-Simple and elegant and the straps fit on the shoulder. ($850-$1290) Christian Louboutin Foldover embellished clutch-calfskin clutch bag with mixed studs. Brown is super pretty. Perfect for a Saturday night out with your beau. ($1450). Gabriela Hearst knot hobo bag. Two colors: black or cognac. I wish it had a zipper, but it's lightweight and stunning. $(1990.00). COATS Orolay-Of course, this is the coat that went viral on Amazon. It literally is the warmest coat I own. So many pockets! You don't even need a purse! Comes in a variety of colors. It isn't the most flattering coat, but it sure is the coziest. ($159.99). Bernardo-I'm just not a fan of real fur anymore. It's become too cumbersome, too heavy and just not easy for me to wear. This year I happen to like Bernardo's unreal beaver fur jacket. . It's pretty and lightweight, yet warm. Comes in slate blue or grey. (Only $119.00-a bargain). Apparis-They make a cute "Goldie" coat in Latte. It's hip length and hooded. Looks great with jeans. ($250.00). FOR THE EYES Ryan Simkhai- VELVET READERS! I kid you not. This is my all time FAVORITE item for the fall and winter! They are really the greatest looking readers I have seen! This is how I prefer to wear velvet. "Cayley" comes in black, cobalt blue, burgandy, and purple velvet. A must have accessory! ($34.00). FOR THE FACE AND BODY OIL OF OLAY COMPLETE-My all time best moisturizer. It has a great scent and has an spf of 15. Begin your day with this. End your day with this. I use the "normal" with UV365. ($6.99). PACIFICA BABY SERUM BOOSTER GLOW DROPS-mix a drop of this into the OIL OF OLAY moisturizer and apply to your face. It gives you a dewy fresh look. ($16.00). ELF GREEN HYDRATING PRIMER-If you do use a primer before your foundation, this is my favorite. It glides on easily and makeup always looks great. ($7.00). WET AND WILD EYELINER-try either their pencil or their felt tip eyeliner. Each one is great. I use black. ($4.00-$4.77). ALMAY EYELINER Pen-they make a proline felt tip with a small ball at the end. Easy application of a straight line and hypo allergenic. ($8.49). FLOWER GEL CRUSH-Drew Barrymore's line. Now available in CVS. Doubles as blush and lip color. Comes in 3 colors. ($6.99). KYLIE-I hate to admit it but this Kardashian makes a nice lip liner and lipstick! I use the color "sweater weather". Available at Ulta. ($12.00 and 17.00). MAYBELLINE-Lash waterproof Discovery is my favorite "go to" mascara. Easy to use. The small skinny wand is the bomb. Hypoallergenic. ($6.54). Garnier Micellar Cleansing Water All-in-1-This is the greatest product ever! Not only does it cleanse, but it also removes every last drop of makeup and refreshes. No oil, No sulfates, no fragrances. No rinsing is needed. ($8.99) Vaseline Intensive Care Radiant Spray Moisturizer-Comes in Cocoa Radiant, Aloe, or Plain. It works great after the shower. Not oily and very hydrating for every inch of your body. ($8.99). By now, you have noticed that none of the makeup I use is high end. Believe me, I have tried La Mer, Chanel, Yves St.Laurent, Armani, and Jurlique. I have bottles upon bottles. Trust me when I tell you that drugstore brands are just as fabulous, and often far better. Give them a try and see what you think. Now you have applied your make up; wriggled into an awesome pair of jeans, put on that beautiful shoe or boot, buttoned up your tailored white shirt and wrapped yourself in that gorgeous cashmere scarf. You are ready to get out and enjoy all those fall days and evenings. I hope you love October as much as I do! Enjoy this weather while you can because before you know it, we'll be dealing with the cold winter (which truth be told, I also enjoy!) HAPPY 3RD BIRTHDAY TO MY SWEET BOY, WILLIAM! HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO MY BROTHER FROM ANOTHER MOTHER, STEVE! HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO MY YOUNGEST, LEXI! HAPPY COLUMBUS DAY! HAPPY HALLOWEEN! PEACE OUT-ONE B

Emmy's 2021

Last night we finally returned to the glamour of award shows and the red carpet. Of course, my favorite part is before the actual awards are presented! I love the red carpet. Specifically, I love the fashion, the facial work, and most important, The Jewels! Okay-let's review. BEST DRESSED 1)Yara Shahidi-her lime Dior gown was off the charts! That fitted waist and off the shoulder were sensational. The gown was altered perfectly to her body. Loved Loved Loved! We'll get to her jewels later. 2)Michaela Jae Rodriquez-She was passed over for best actress, but wow was she a major winner in the dress category. She donned a turquoise vintage Versace gown that was magnificent. I wished she did a little more with her hair, but I thought she looked great. 3)Anya Taylor-Joy-Dressed in a yellow Dior Haute Couture gown, with a dramatic train; she looked stunning. Her hairstyle was perfect glam, highlighting the backless dress and the glittering Tiffany jewels cascading down her back added drama. This is not a gown that would normally appeal to me, but she carried it off. 4)Jennifer Coolidge-I thought she picked the perfect dress for her physique. She looked elegant in the navy Christian Siriano. Her sexy wavy blond hair complemented the look. 5)Rita Wilson-Although no one is really talking about her Tom Ford outfit, (because they are too busy talking about her rapping), I thought she looked cool and chic. Her haircolor was beautiful, and we'll discuss her face a bit later. WORST DRESSED 1)Traceee Ellis Ross-Hated everything about this look. She wore a red sequined Valentino Haute Couture- Normally, a fashion icon, this dress was the wrong choice and did absolutely nothing for her. I didn't like her hair and makeup. Nothing about this look worked. 2)Emma Corin-Adorned in a Pilgrim costume by Miu Miu, she looked appropriate for a Thanksgiving dinner. What was she thinking? Turkey dinner? 3)Cynthia Erivo-The blue and green feathered hem looked like the noodles you go through in a car wash. Her stylist generally nails it, but this was a clear miss. Louis Vuitton customed this white leather dress for her. The fit on top was too loose and the feathers made no sense. Ugly. 4)Kathryn Hahn-She was wearing a Lanvin strapless jumpsuit. I thought the belt was too overpowering. I didn't like her messy relaxed hair, but I did love that emerald and diamond necklace! 5)Taraji P. Hensen-Her black, shimmery low cut Elie Saab dress showed too much cleavage and looked cheesy. Very Las Vegas! 6)Sarah Paulson-I detested this Carolina Herrera red gown on Sara. Those balloon sleeves were too overpowering. Actually, so was the entire dress. Yuck! 7)Angela Basset-She looked like she was wearing a large pink ruffled question mark pasted to a black dress! But stay tuned-I have more to say about Angela. 8)Amy Poehler-By far, the worst dressed at the Emmy's. She wore a sparkling Galvan London dress and a crazy black belted Bella Freud jacket. She actually looked like she went to her dead aunt's closet blind folded and took clothes made for someone else of a different age and size. Horrid! BEST EARRINGS 1)Sudi Green-a writer on SNL, she wore stunning enormous emerald earrings. I don't know the designer but they looked awesome. 2)Cecily Strong-another SNL cast member, that accessorized her black gown and flowing hair with long dangling Gismondi diamond earrings. 3)Yara Shahidi- Awesome 18K Gold and diamond Cartier earrings that set off that gorgeous dress. I'll get back to her again 4)Angela Bassett-$120,000 Gismondi 18K white gold and ruby earrings. Very pretty and I'm not even a fan of rubies. 5)Issa Rae-I thought she looked fabulous. Loved that mesh gown, her shoes, and most of all those earrings. They were designed by Fernando Jorge and were made of 18k yellow gold and diamonds (cost-$60,000). Interesting contrast against that silver mesh gown. BEST NECKLACES 1) Billy Porter-He wore a magnificent statement necklace by Lorraine Schwartz. I'm not sure where else you would actually wear this piece in the real world. 2) Kathryn Hahn-I mentioned that beautiful emerald and diamond necklace above. Whe was wearing a Briony Raymond Estate jewel. 44 carats of Emeralds and 43 carats of diamonds. Very pretty. 3) YARI SHAHIDI-*****favorite piece of all. The Cartier Cactus inspired necklace. The yellow gold diamond and emerald collar was to die for! Couldn't take my eyes off of her. Be still my heart... 4) Catherine Zeta Jones-Although she looked lovely in Lorraine Schwartz diamonds, I find her look very ho-hum boring. She gets it all right, and is gorgeous, but nothing wows me. BEST FACIAL WORK 1)Angela Bassett-She doesn't admit to a face lift, however I watch 911. If you view her last year and then last night, she did not JUST have botox or ultherapy. This woman is 63, and looks like she did when she starred in How Stella Got her Groove Back in 1998 when she was 45! That skin, that body, those arms-sheer perfection! 2)Rita Wilson-at 64, this woman looks better than ever. She definitely has been tweaked! Impressive plastic surgery. 3)Catherine Zeta Jones-despite the fact, that she denies plastic surgery-it seems impossible that she remains ageless without the help of a plastic surgeon. Whatever she does and whomever she uses, she looks simply gorgeous. AWARD SUMMARY Watch the following if you haven't: Ted Lasso The Crown Queen's Gambit Mare of Easton Hacks Hamilton Movie Halston Fall shows begin tonight! So, You can check out Angela Bassett for yourselves in 911! This week New Amsterdam is back, Queen Sugar is on episode 3, American Rust (SHO)is on episode 2, The Resident returns, Chicago Med, Chicago Fire, and Chicago PD also return, and Scenes from a Marriage is worth a look on HBO. Welcome Fall-my favorite time of year! Peace Out-One B

The Intimacies of a Marriage

Recently, I was watching a show on Hulu called The Split. The main character, a prominent female attorney was describing her marriage (to her lover). I was intriqued by the character's analysis of her marriage. My husband, a Trust and Estate lawyer, often deals with NDA's, pre-nups and post-nups, contracts,and various structuring of assets. So, I am slightly familiar with these terms. An NDA or non disclosure agreement is often known as a confidentiality agreement. It's an important legal framework used to protect sensitive and confidential information from being made public by the recipient(s). In other words, it keeps a lid on very sensitive information. Anyway, I began to think that although most of us do not have written NDA's, or pre-nups or specific written contracts with our spouses,we all have unsaid, unwritten, and inferred parameters and specific "jobs" within our relationships. The character in this show believed that you have NDA's which you have "mentally signed on the dotted line." At no point in the marriage can either partner divulge their intricacies. When you marry, you essentially make a promise that "all the worst bits of yourself", even ones that are not okay, are between the two of you. You have found someone who "will live with them; will live around them; and who won't taunt you with them!" You each tell yourselves that these little quirks are what endear you to one another. They are what make you love each other. But, in reality, these may be the things that ultimately drive you nuts day after day. Leaving dirty clothes on the floor, using your tweezers to pluck an eyebrow or nose hair, leaving four grapes in the refrigerator after eating the whole bowl, never turning off the lights, or denying you said something vengeful after a night of drinking.... Ultimately, you may carry these tiny intimacies around like weapons and that can be dangerous. Let your partner know these things bother you before one of you explodes. Forty four years later and truly, my only complaint is those four grapes left in the fridge. He is perfect in every way! As far as the unwritten contract of who does what in a marriage, it usually just evolves as time goes on. Whether you both work or not, the roles become clear, especially, once children come into the picture. In my case, I am the decorator, the travel agent, the scheduler of social dates and restaurant reservations, the grocery shopper the cook, the baker, the housekeeper, the gift buyer, the holiday planner, and the bill payer. My husband is the salary provider, the dishwasher, the garbage and recycle guy, the one who buys the beverages(they're too heavy for me to schlep), and the one who goes to the ATM. Parental duties were always split 50/50, and anything to do with our grandchildren-we're both in 100%! Every marriage is different. Many of my friends have their husbands do the shopping and cooking, the bill paying, and the social dates. Whatever works is the key. It organically evolves and the goal should be that you appreciate all that your partner does, and that neither of you resent what your "jobs" are. Early in my marriage, I asked my husband to take over the bill paying. About a month later, fearing that my phone and lights would be shut off, I promptly took that job back! I recently read that a good marriage is one where each partner secretly suspects they got the better deal. I, for sure, know I got the better deal! "Marriage is a thousand little things...It's giving up the right to be right in the heat of an argument. It's forgiving another when they let you down. It's loving someone enough to step down so they can shine. It's FRIENDSHIP. It's being a cheerleader and a trusted confidant. It's a place of forgiveness that welcomes one home, and arms they can run to in the midst of a storm." (Darlene Schact) BIRTHDAY HUGS TO: L.K., M.J., D.S.C. PEACE OUT-ONE B

THERE'S NO VACCINE FOR STUPID (OR ANIMAL HOUSE 2021)

Remember when we associated the terms Delta, Epsilon, and Lambda with sororities and fraternities? Those were the good old days, not so long ago. Now we associate those words with mutant variants of the Covid Virus. The Delta variant is spreading: 89,977 cases is the current 7-day average, which is an increase of 30% over July, 2020. This virus is still causing death in mostly unvaccinated people. Sororities and fraternities can often be breeding grounds for ignorance, racial exclusion, classism, and silly/stupid behavior. College students are young and often make mistakes, so their behavior is somewhat excusable. But,now too, the people of the United States are mimicking the unacceptable behaviors of frat boys! Just like the frat parties that hold large gatherings and create widespread outbreaks of illness, Sturgis, South Dakota decided to have a motorcycle gathering this past weekend. These attendees are exhibiting willfull ignorance that affects negatively on the surrounding communities. It will, for certain, be a super spreader event. Yes, I know it is held outside. That is not where the problem lies. It's when the people get off their motorcycles and go into their hotel lobbies, eat indoors at a restaurant, and drink at the bars. This is how the spreading occurs. Journalist Donnie Johnson says: "American ingenuity could defeat Covid 19 but American ignorance won't let it. This virus has killed over a half million of our citizens, and left others with lifelong health issues. Yet, we have to pay or bribe people to protect themselves. Free drinks, $100 vouchers, etc. are the reward for getting the shot. Shouldn't not dying be the reward for you and your children? Why do we have to bribe a society to do what they should be doing anyway? Countries around the world are literally begging for this shot. Yet, we are turning it down, and actually throwing away unused doses. This is stupidity at its highest form-playing Russian Roulette with your life. Think of all the insane things you have done or put into your body when you were young! Pot, speed, LSD, shrooms, queludes and alcohol.... Now, this is where you draw the line-with a life-saving vaccine? Thanks to Trump and his team, three safe and effective vaccines were produced at record speed. Why isn't this man standing up in front of the world and taking credit for it? Why isn't he telling his constituency this vaccine is safe and everyone needs it? Why aren't his Republican senators and congressman doing the same? The Trump Republicans in Louisanna, Missouri, Nevada, Arkansas and Florida need to be convinced. The infections are soaring in those states. People on their deathbeds are lamenting their poor decisions-TOO LATE. Science doesn't lie. 70% of Americans who took the vaccine did not turn into monsters. They are not sterile. Our DNA has remained the same. Healthy Babies were born and Pregnant woman didn't die. And NOT ONE REPUBLICAN TURNED INTO A DEMOCRAT. We were almost near the end of this; we started putting away our masks; we were leaving our homes, going back to restaurants and our offices. We were resumming LIFE. Are we so stubborn and selfish that acting like entitled spoiled brats is acceptable? Why should unvaccinated people be allowed take down those who don't agree with their "herd immunity" theories? Putting yourself at risk is one thing. Hoasting that view on others is selfish, mean spirited, and plain ignorant. You are putting your own children, grandchildren, and neighbors at risk. WHETHER YOU ARE A DEMOCRAT OR A REPUBLICAN, NOBODY HAS THE RIGHT TO INFECT OTHERS WITH A DEADLY DISEASE! The goals of sorority and fraternity life should be the same as the larger society. We should teach the world how friendship and brotherhood enhances collabrative work and a sense of community. We should be good neighbors and friends. We should exhibit kindness and caring. This denial of scientific facts is resulting in physical and emotional trauma, not to mention death. The lies and misinformation must stop. Somehow we must create avenues for unity. Thomas Jefferson says, "Love your neighbor as yourself and your country MORE than yourself." If unvaccinated people profess to love their country and truly meant that-they would get vaccinated and save the lives of fellow Americans. Until then-All of the unvaccinated are on "Double Secret Probation-Actually Not So Secret." (Animal House) We'll be Watching.... PEACE OUT-ONE B

Just When You Thought You Could Take A Breath....

So, here we all are! Vaccinated and Unmasked! Hugging and Kissing after so many months-Geez, doesn't it feel great! It no longer matters where we eat-inside; outside; with 10 people, or right next to ten tables....It's all so good. Truly, it's Heaven! But Wait!!! Those of us who were just beginning to feel safe and confident are masking up again. I had to dig my clorox wipes and masks out of the cabinet. I'm making sure I have lots of hand sanitizer in my purse and in the car! I haven't stocked up on toilet paper yet. And, I'm gearing up for a possible lockdown, or at the very least, a new set of CDC recommendations. So just in case you find yourself staying in a bit more after the summer, I have a huge list of what to watch on the television. Don't ask how I watch so much t.v.! You all know I only sleep 3 hours a night! WHAT I'M WATCHING NOW The End-Showtime. Dark comedy about a six months-widowed Woman who attempts to take her own life. This is so well acted and I am hooked. The Unforgotten-PBS Masterpiece/Prime Video. Two detectives trying to solve a murder that happened 39 years ago. This is the 4th season, but I never watched the previous 3 seasons, and it doesn't matter. Really like it! Catch and Kill-HBO. Documentary by Ronan Farrow that interviews whistleblowers and journaliststalking about the Harvey Weinstein debacle. Very interesting. My Unorthodox Life-Netflix. The story of Julia Haart who is now the CEO pf Elite World Group and was a former housewife in an ultra-Orthodox community in Monsey, N.Y. Gave me better insight into the Orthodox way of life, and why someone felt trapped and her need to leave and start a new life. The White Lotus-HBO. The adventures of the guests and employees of a tropical resort. So much fun! Made For Love-HBO Max. Dark comedy about a woman married to a tech billionaire whom she hates, and he has implanted a device to track her locations and her emotions. Annoying... Dr. Death-Peacock. Based on a podcast about a prominent doctor in Texas whose patients do not survive his surgeries or they are permantly disabled. I can barely get through 10 minutes! I am terrified of spine surgeries now, or for that matter, any surgeries. VERY VERY SCARY. Alec Baldwin and Christian Slater. Animal Kingdom-TNT. I have watched the previous 4 seasons. Without the gangster matriarch, Ellen Barkin (who was killed last season); her 3 sons and grandson aren't keeping me interested. Don't Bother. Kevin Can F**K Himself-AMC+ or You Tube. Annie Murphy from Schitt's Creek is married to an insensitive buffoon and she is struggling to figure out her life in Worcester, Mass. She is terrific. Watch. Godfather of Harlem-Epix or Amazon Prime. Forest Whitaker is fabulous as Bumpy Johnson. He has served his time in Alcatraz, and returns to Harlem to take back control. This is the second season. Excellent. This Way Up-Hulu. Comedy about a woman recovering from a nervous breakdown with the help and support of her sister. Covers the themes of lonliness, family, and mental health in a brilliant way. Like this! WHAT TO WATCH NEXT: THE NEXT BINGE Seaside Hotel-PBS Masterpiece/Amazon. Resort on the North Sea follows the regulars returning each summer and the staff. Watched 2 episodes and really enjoyed. The Vigil-Prime Video. Sounds intriquing. Orthodox Man is called to watch over a deceased member of his former community. Test Pattern-Hulu. A woman's relationship with her boyfriend is put to the test after she is raped by an assailant. Ebert website gives it a thumbs up. Seems like it would be difficult to watch. McCartney 3-2-1-Hulu. Intimate one on one interview between music producer Rick Rubin and Paul Mccartney. Six episodes. I hear this is absolutely amazing. Lisey's Story-Apple TV+. Based on a Stephen King novel, this is the story of the widow of a best selling novelist. While going through her husbands manscripts and papers, she discovers dark secrets. It's Stephen King-it's got to be petrifying. Julianne Moore, Clive Owen, Jennifer Jason Leigh, and Joan Allen. Mr. Inbetween-Hulu. Comedy about a man juggling family responsibilities and being a "criminal for hire". This is the 3rd season. So, there will definitely be a few weeks of binging. Summer of Soul-Hulu. Questlove directs this documentary about the Harlem Cultural Festival of 1969. I've seen a little of this and it looks cool! Foyle's War-Acorn/Prime Video. This was highly recommended to me but it's six seasons. Might have to wait until a snowstorm. Big investment of time. British detective drama set during the second world war. Lupin-Netflix. Story of a famous thief and master of disguise. Two Seasons. RECENTLY FINISHED WATCHING Shiva Baby-HBO MAX. Movie about a bisexual Jewish woman who attends a shiva with her parents and encounters an ex-girlfriend and an ex-boyfriend at the shiva. Cute, a good distraction, and not a big investment of time. Us-PBS. Only two episodes. A combination of a travelogue and a family drama about a couple who takes one last vacation before getting divorced. LOVED. Younger-Hulu. One of my favorite shows! Just finished season 8 and there will not be any more seasons. A 40 year old woman pretends to be 26 in order to land her dream job. Sutton Foster, Hillary Duff and Peter Hermann(I have a crush!). So sad it's over. Cruel Summer-Freeform. 10 episodes. A teen drama. Takes place over 3 years in the 90's about a girl who goes missing and another girl takes over her life. Totally held my attention-an easy binge. Love Victor-Hulu. Another teen drama. Struggling with his sexual identity and his new high school, we follow an endearing Victor figure it out. Very good. Sex/Love-Netflix. Terrible, but steamy drama filled with tons of sex. About a suburban housewife wishing she could go back to her carefree days as a party girl in NYC. Meanwhile, her husband is so cute. And he's right there! Soft porn. Who Killed Sara?-Netflix. A murder mystery that has lots of twists and keeps you guessing. Just okay. Dirty John/Betty-Netflix. The story of Betty Broderick. Is it possible to really know the person you love most? Scorned housewife left by her husband. Amanda Peet is fabulous. Fun to watch. Handmaid's Tale-Hulu. An amazing series based on Margaret Atwood's book. This is about a totalitarian society in what used to be a part of the United States. Elizabeth Moss is beyond outstanding in this series. This is something that I had no desire to watch and ultimately, I found it to be mesmerizing. COMING SOON... Succession-HBO. Season 3 in Autumn 2021. Scenes From A Marriage-HBO. Jessica Chastain, Michelle Williams, and Oscar Isaac. September. Yellowstone-Paramount. Season 4 in November. One of the best shows on t.v. Kevin Costner! Respect-Film coming August 13 in theaters. Jennifer Hudson stars as Arethra. WHAT TO LISTEN TO WHEN YOU ARE WALKING Smartless Podcast-every interview is fun, but Stephen Cobert and Conan O'Brien were hysterical. Enjoy these summer months. Stay outdoors as much as you can. Go swimming or running. Go to the gym. Go to restaurants. Take a vacation. Visit your relatives that you haven't seen in 15 months! Socialize with friends. Now is the time-enjoy every moment. BUT, still mask up when you go into stores. Wash your hands often. Be safe. Protect our children and grandchildren. PEACE OUT-ONE B

CAREGIVER SYNDROME: WHEN YOUR PARENT BECOMES YOUR CHILD

Caregiving and needing care will happen to all of us. One day a parent will need our help just as we once needed theirs. Noone told us that having children will drastically change our lives; just as noone warned me that caregiving would often be hard and thankless work. Initially, it begins with small things: requests for groceries, picking up prescriptions from the pharmacy, an occasional doctor's appointment. No problem. But, as your parent physically declines, their situations and care needs change daily. Now you are dealing with hygiene issues, memory issues, administering medications, and a host of other things such as nutrition, proper hydration, exercise, etc. For me, eventhough my mom is in an assisted living facility, I feel overwhelmed and stressed all the time. I am emotionally and physically drained and close to burnout. Not always, but often it's the daughters who bear the brunt of responsibility when caring for aging parents. I know all the advice that is given to alleviate my stress: Set boundaries, accept my limitations, stay active, meditate, find a balance between your kids, your work, your friends, and your grandchildren. And self care. "Caregiver syndrome" strongly manifests as exhaustion, insomnia, anger, rage, resentment, guilt, and anxiety when dealing with a chronically ill parent. In the past year, I have had thryroiditis, various bouts with chalazions which led to surgery,a pinched nerve in my neck, high blood pressure, and a blip on my ekg which led (thankfully) to 2 normal stress tests. I recently read that there is a 63% higher risk of mortality in caregivers than non-caregivers of the same age. My mother is 94 and she may very well outlive me! My immune system has surely declined since my mom moved here! Yet my 94 year old mom who is in heart failure is doing fine, except for her daily falls! Brothers and Sisters offer some relief, but generally they are best at giving you support and advice while running in the other direction. They do not talk to the doctors for hours on end. They do not get the phone calls in the middle of the night when mom has fallen. They do not oversee that all medications are being ordered by hospice. They do not visit on any regular basis. They do not pay bills. As a result, I have given up time with my husband, my children and my grandchildren and declined social activities with friends in favor of time spent on caregiving activites. And, when I finally do have a little free time, I'm too emotionally drained to do anything or see anyone. I just want a bed and Netflix. It's not any easier for the aging parent either. They feel a loss of independence and rightfully struggle to maintain some sense of control. Parents rebel and do not want to be told what to do. This fosters anger and resentment towards the caregiver. This past year of Covid bred isolation which in turn resulted in lonliness, depression, and more health decline for the aged. It's a difficult dilemma for both the parent and the child who is the caregiver. I feel I have an ethical responsibility to make sure my loved ones are safe, secure, and getting the attention they need. We have a duty to help loved ones as they age, but there are limits. I must learn to set limits and accept my limitations. Because at times, I feel I just can't continue on this path. I am blessed to have had my dad here for 95 years, and I am blessed to still have my mom here at 94 years. Hopefully, I will continue to keep her well, and at the same time find the road to my sanity! "How far you go in life depends on your being tender with the young, compassionate with the aged, sympathetic with the striving and tolerant of the weak and strong. Because someday in life you will have been all of these." George Washington Carver PEACE OUT-HAPPY 4TH! ONE B

Love and Marriage

This week my husband and I will be celebrating our 44th Anniversary. Over the years, We have overcome significant obstacles and faced many challenges. I have had lots of time to reflect on what contributes to enduring love and a lasting marriage. My husband and I couldn't be more different. I think I am outgoing, independent, extremely organized and anal, and more often than not, contemplating(or worrying about)the next task or obligation. He appears to be more cerebral, quieter, reserved but friendly, organized but "seemeingly" relaxed (it's a facade!) and always goes with the flow focusing only on the present. He has the ability to compartmentalize issues. I cannot. I take everything in and worry about it all at once. But, when I am upset or scared about something (my kids, illness, parents) he literally holds me up. And, when he is having a moment and losing it and about to freak out, I am suddenly his reasonable, calming, and supportive force. Leo Tolstoy said, "What counts in making a happy marriage is not so much how compatible you are but how you deal with incompatibility." Do we argue? Yes! Do we make up easily? No! Love doesn't mean you will always agree or never have an argument. It means that despite the bad days you still can't see yourself without that person. My advice to couples is think before you speak. The most important take away is this: Do not try and win the argument. Don't try to defend your actions or words. Don't try to give an explanation as to why you did this or that, OR why you didn't. LISTEN to your spouse when they are expressing an issue. Whether you believe it to be valid or not, DOES NOT MATTER. This is the most important advice I can give after 44 years: Empathize with the feelings that your spouse is communicating. Sympathize. Apologize without a "but I" or a defensive response. Know it wasn't easy to express or emote these feelings to your spouse. And know that these feelings are very real to her/him. Now, it is the time to do better. Be better. Period. Remember that you cannot recover words after they are said or recover the time after its gone. Once you respond with that horrible insult, it is ALWAYS there. Lyndon Johnson said, "Only two things are necessary to keep one's spouse happy. One is to let them think they are having their own way-the other is to let them have it!" For me the definition of what defines a good Marriage is continued Courtship, Mutual Respect, a healthy dose of Admiration, Love, Trust, Friendship, Sacrifice, and Acceptance. In a marriage, "the independence of a wife and husband should be equal; their dependence mutual, and their obligations reciprocal." I have to admit that I love my alone time,and I cherish our together time. The pandemic presented major challenges since we were with each other 24 hours a day. But we established a routine early on and it was a absolutely fine after the first week! So, never stop holding hands, buying each other little gifts, having date nights, telling your spouse how proud of them you are. And, know that you can tell them anything and it will remain just between the two of you. Foot massages, roses, date nights, and love letters work too.. Jud, "when I saw you I fell in love, and you smiled because you knew." Arrigo Boito "In all the world there is no heart for me like yours. In all the world there is no love for you like mine." Maya Angelou HAPPY 44TH! ONE B

Happy Mother's Day

When I graduated from Penn, the furthest thing from my mind was motherhood. I entered a buying program with Gimbels, and began my journey of various jobs throughout the years. I moved on to being an assistant buyer for designer childrens clothes for clients in the south. I then went on to sell Petit Bateau to individual stores. And, then, when I became pregnant, I opened a jewelry company out of my house called Karat Patch (I still love the name). As the girls got a little older, I sold advertising for town guidebooks that were distributed to local realtors, schools, and colleges. I became an activities director for an assisted living facility, and finally, I acquired my current insurance license to sell life and health insurance which I have had for 15 years. As I mentioned above, the idea of raising children was the furthest thought from my mind. I hadn't given any consideration as to how to raise two beautiful, independent daughters. Truthfully, when I was growing up, my parents didn't encourage me to make my own way in the world; or to have a career, or to be independent financially. Noone took me to colleges for tours, helped me fill out the applications, or provided me with SAT courses. I was flying solo and had to figure it all out pretty much on my own. When I did become a parent, I took on the hardest job of my life.There had been no training for this. No college courses-I was winging it. I was now the CEO of my family, and my home. Not only was I a teacher, but I had manage the bills, the home repairs, the interior design, the planting and landscaping, the travel plans, the cleaning, and the meal preparation. Most importantly, I was in charge of these two precious girls. Caring for them and protecting them from danger became my most challenging opportunity yet. I couldn't or wouldn't screw this up! Parenting involves so much learning as you go. Sure there are how to books, but every child is different. You can think you do or say the exact same thing to siblings. One will see it as helpful, another will be insulted that you think they need help. And one will just say F--k ff and totally ignore you. Injuries are super challenging! You don't want to over react and scare the daylights out of them, but you certainly don't want to under react and land them in the hospital-it is a very fine line. Rushing to activities or school when you have more than one child is a dilemma too. School begins and ends at different times and often is at different locations. Activities and playdates interfere with a sibling's naptime. It can be a nightmare. And don't even think about when your taking a work call if you also have a job outside of the home. Another aspect of parenting is promoting individual interests and creativity. Encourage your children to embrace their differences and learn to accept others uniquenes and talents as well. They must show kindness and compassion. They must also understand they can't excel at all things, but they should try their best at everything. With sports, a parent needs to stress the importance of being a team player and how one should exhibit good sportsmanship. So, today I want to pay tribute to all the Moms out there. We all try our best, but we don't always get it right. There's lots of trial and error. Believe me, I have tried hard to shape my daughters into strong, intelligent, kind, independent women that handle careers and family seamlessly. They have both grown into mothers that I am so incredibly proud of. Sometimes they'll get it right, sometimes they'll get it wrong, sometimes they'll blame me, and sometimes they will feel grateful that I tried my best and now, as moms themselves, they realize that being a parent isn't an easy road to navigate. It's the hardest job we will ever have. But it is the MOST rewarding (And yes, sometimes it's thankless). The other day as I was watching the movie In and Out with my grandson, it occured to me that my role as mom was alot like the role of Riley, the preteen, in the movie. I, too, have experiemced those five major emotions in my role as a mom: there has been fear, sadness, anger, disgust. But, truly the protagonist of my emotions as a mother is JOY! There has ALWAYS BEEN JOY! There is no better experience in this world-Except maybe, being a Grandmother! Happy Mother's Day to my girls and all the Moms out there! Peace Out! One B

THE WHOLE WORLD STOPPED, BUT SOMEHOW WE KEPT LIVING

At the beginning of the pandemic last Spring, we mistakenly believed that the lockdown would last a few weeks, or at the most, a month. Initially, we welcomed the idea of spending quality time with our significant other; of organizing our closets and kitchens, and purging clothes and the items we no longer used or needed. Our homes sparkled! We felt a sense of great accomplishment. The lure of having unlimited time to create gourmet meals, bake sourdough bread, and learn the technique of braiding challah was enticing. To keep busy, when we weren't cleaning or cooking; some painted, others played canasta, bridge, poker, or mahjong online. Many of us binged shows on Netflix, read incessantly, or became full time home educators for our children. As Summer and the warm weather approached, we planned outdoor socially distant visits, scheduled dates to bring our own cocktails, and we ate meals at separate tables six feet from our friends and families. With the approach of Fall and then Winter, we perservered and stayed outdoors well into December, until we couldn't endure the cold weather any longer. Still undeterred, we then moved into newly redone garages with our scarves, hats, gloves, down parkas and portable heaters. We attended Zoom Birthdays, Baby Namings, Weddings, Thanksgiving feasts, Passover Seders, Funerals, and Work meetings. Cosmetic Surgeons thrived because it was the perfect time to tweak your unwanted whatever. Think about it, who would see you for the next several months? Exercise Equipment was all the rage; we could no longer go to the gym, and so the gym came to us. Some got into the best shape of their lives, because they finally had the time to exercise-they were no longer commuting to work at 6 a.m. and returning home at 7 p.m. While others ate more, snacked more, and ultimately, weighed more: the famous Covid 15! We replaced refrigerators, bought storage freezers, ordered new washers, dryers, dishwashers, ovens, and hot water heaters because ours broke from so much use! Appliance stores had no stock being delivered, and there were 3 -4 month waits if you were lucky enough to even score a new appliance. As weeks turned to months and the months approached a year, our enthusiasm for staying at home and being isolated began to wane. Depression and Anxiety set in. The daily news of deaths and illness took its toll on our psyche. Fear of losing loved ones constantly infiltrated our thoughts. Feeling hopeless, We drank more alcohol, ate more edibles, popped more Xanax, and took Ambien to sleep. We called our therapists! Lawyers, too, were busier than ever. People were creating wills, and/or reviewing and updating their old ones. People who never considered a will until now were obsessed with getting them signed by tomorrow! Video visits with our Doctors were off the charts : We needed to discuss imagined or real Covid symptons, palpatations and chest pain, and moles that might be cancers. Then Winter turned to Spring, and here we are! A year later and thankfully, many of us are fully vaccinated. Our lives are slowly returning to a "new normal". Vaccinations have afforded us the luxury of hugging our parents, our children, and our grandchildren. We can actually now visit a Doctor in person. We have finally scheduled long overdue teeth cleanings, colonoscopies, mammograms, and EKG's. We can go to a restaurant, a friend's home, or the gym if we so choose to do so. Our children are returning to school and camp (albeit with many restrictions and precautions). Adults are going back to their workplace (if their job still exists). And yet, many of you have elected to give up your office space and still prefer to work from home. Many of you chose to retire. This year seems like a very bad dream. Ultimately, from a crisis you may discover some good, if you search hard enough. We learned to open our hearts to what really matters. We learned to live with fewer resources. We learned to cherish every moment and never take our health for granted. We learned to take more notice of the joys and kindnesses that do exist. We learned to relish moments of laughter and love. We have learned patience and resilence. We learned how to be better parents-how to balance the need to protect our children/grandchildren from danger, while allowing them to be young and free. We learned to NEVER give up hope. My wish for all the babies conceived and born during this crazy time, is that they never experience the anguish of a pandemic in their lifetime. You should know that you truly are cause for celebration! You are the greatest result of a year that was NOT great. My wish for the children who do remember this year, is that it will be a joyful memory for you. A time when you spent loads of quality time with your Mommies and Daddies who would have otherwise been out of the home at work. So, everyone it is time to drop the doughnuts and lift those dumbbells! Go back out into the world! Have fun this Summer and enjoy your friends and your family. "Hope smiles from the threshold of the year to come, whispering "it will be happier'....Tennyson PEACE OUT-ONE B

MOVIES AND SERIES 2021

You all know I binge tons of movies and shows. This is a list without any rhyme or reason as to order. I will try and be succinct, but there is so much to watch and discuss. So here goes! MOVIES I RECOMMEND Hillbilly Elegy-Netflix. This superb cast includes Glenn Close and Amy Adams. Directed by Ron Howard. True Story about a Yale Law Student who leaves his Kentucky hometown, but is torn between his family history and his own future. Somewhat manipulative, but worth a watch. Sound Of Metal-Amazon Prime. Riz Ahmed and Dakota Johnson. Story about a drummer who loses his hearing. A powerful movie that addresses deafness, addiction, and events that can alter your life forever. One Night in Miami-Amazon Prime. An excellent movie with fabulous acting. The story follows the night of Feb. 25, 1964 when four famous black men discuss the civil rights movement after Mohammed Ali defeats Sonny Liston. Loved this. Promising Young Woman-Rent On Demand. All star cast. It's a thriller/comedy that deals with sexual assault. Carey Mulligan is academy award worthy in this role. Warning-it's not easy to watch! But it is very good. Ma Rainey'a Black Bottom-Netflix. This is Chadwick Boseman's last performance before his death. Exceptional acting by him and Viola Davis. Great adaptation of August Wilson play. Very enjoyable. Sylvie's Love-Amazon Prime. A touching romantic movie with great music as a bonus. A beautiful love story. Our Friend-To Rent. This is a true story about a friend who chooses to put his own life on hold while helping his best friend care for two daughters and a dying wife. I am not going to lie. This is horribly depressing, but the acting by Jason Segel is astonishingly great. Casey Affleck and Dakota Johnson are excellent as well. Powerful and heartbreaking, but very well done. The Wilde Wedding-Amazon. Although Rotten Tomatoes panned this, I enjoyed this movie about a retired movie star who is about to embark on her fourth marriage. The cast is fabulous: Glenn Close, John Malkovich, Patrick Stewart, Minnie Driver and many others. If you are a Malkovich fan, this is such fun to watch! The Half of It-Netflix. A well done movie about the only Asian student in Squahamish, Washington. It offers themes of isolation, homosexuality, friendship and love in a beautifully written movie. I really liked it. The Trial of Chicago 7-Netflix. Powerful. Great acting. Aaron Sorkin directs this movie about the infamous 1969 trial of seven defendants charged with conspiracy at the 1968 Democratic National Convention. Mesmerizing and one of Sorkin's better projects. OK-STILL BORED? NEED MORE MOVIES TO WATCH EVEN THOUGH THESE AREN'T FIRST RATE? NEXT TIER.... Fundamentals of Caring-Netflix. Paul Rudd becomes a caretaker for a disabled teen. They embark on adventures and a true friendship forms which leads to hope for the both of them. Good enough, so invest the time. Rebecca-Netflix. A decent remake with an interesting cast. Armie Hammer, Lily James, and Kristin Scott. All the more interesting with the current cannibalism and affair rumors swirling around Hammer! Definitely held my attention. The Assistant-Hulu. Julia Garner(Ozark) is brilliant in this film about an assistant at a film production company and the unfair and immoral treatment she receives from an abusive male boss. Hard to watch and slow, but she is amazing. Forty Year Old Version-Netflix. Not for everyone. This has gotten a lot of good press. A semi autobiographical story about a fledgling playright who reinvents herself as a rapper. Never Rarely Sometimes Always-HBO MAX. A teen is faced with an unplanned pregnancy and needs to travel across state lines for an abortion. Thought provoking and emotional. Fatale-Rent. Thriller with Hillary Swank and Michael Ealy. Swank is a police detective who seduces Ealy. An intricate psychological tale. Keeps you guessing the entire time and holds your attention. Scary! The Boy Downstairs-Amazon or Hulu. The main draw here is Zosia Mamet. After living in Europe, she moves back to NYC and unknowingly rents an apartment in the same building as her ex boyfriend. Slow, a bit boring, but I stayed with it. DON'T BOTHER WITH THESE UNLESS YOU ARE VERY BORED......SKIP IT!! Holidate-Netflix. Two single strangers make a pact to become each other's dates all year long so they don't have to spend special occasions alone. Lame. Palm Springs-Hulu. Kind of like Groundhog Day. Two wedding guests relive the same day over and over again. Insufferable! Midnight Sky-Netflix. Even George Clooney couldn't save this sci fi movie about a scientist in the Arctic who needs to contact a space crew that are returning home to find a strange global castastrophe. Slow and boring. I needed Nespresso! MOVIES I HAVEN'T SEEN BUT LOOKING FORWARD TO WATCHING: Nomadland-Hulu 2/19. Frances McDormand. Nominated for 4 Golden Globes. Homeless woman travels America in search for work and is living hand to mouth. McDormand is always first rate. Palmer-Apple TV+ 1/29. Released prisoner and ex high school football star returns home and tries to put his life back in order. Justin Timberlake stars. Music-in movie theaters and on demand on 2/12. Kate Hudson stars in this movie which is co-written by Sia. It has been stirring up controversy due to Sia's portrayal of Autism, and her responses (on twitter) to the criticism. French Exit-Netflix 2/26. Michelle Pfeiffer, Lucas Hedges and Tracy Letts. A socialite moves with her son from New York to Paris after her husband dies. The Soul-Disney+. Animated film about a middle school teacher who wants to reunite his body and soul after they somehow become separated. Supposedly good for kids over 5 and adults too. Getting rave reviews! WE ALL KNOW WHAT'S COMING NEXT-NOT IN THE MOOD FOR A MOVIE? BINGE A SERIES AND OF COURSE, EVERYONE IS TALKING ABOUT.... Bridgerton-Netflix. Period piece during the Regency era in 'England. All I can say is Rege-Jean Page! He,alone, is worth the watch. A sight for sore eyes....Season 2 coming this Spring. *****THE GREAT-Hulu. I am going out on a limb here! This is a bold declaration! This series is the best that I have watched in several years. It's clever, quirky, fun, well written and a complete hoot. Loved every second and was so sad to finish the 10 episodes. Elle Fanning plays Catherine the Great in 18th Century Russia. Beyond Fabulous. Hope you love it as much as I did. The Surgeon's Cut-Netflix. Similar to Lenox Hill, this four part docuseries profiles four brilliant surgeons from around the world and their innovative procedures. Excellent. Call My Agent-Netflix. A fictional Paris talent firm showcasing the agents and their famous clients. The famous French actors actually play themselves. Entertaining and fun. I Especially emjoyed the Paris scenery in the background scenes. Pen15(penis-get it?)-Hulu. This is definitely not for many of my friends. It is a comedic series based on middle school's awkward social situations. The ups and downs of middle school life-which for me was the worst time ever! I totally loved this series, but it's not for everyone. Don't say I didn't warn you. Lovesick-Netlix. Twenty something Dylan finds out he has Chlamydia and must contact all his previous relationships to tell them he has a sexually transmitted disease. Funny, emotional, and clever. By now, I am hoping many of you have received your first (and possibly your second) Covid Vaccine. Spring is around the corner and although we will definitely continue masking, maybe we can be a little less stressed; a little more hopeful; and a lot more social. I can't wait to chat with all of you in person about everything we have watched. In the meantime, please stay safe and well. Happy Valentine's Day! Peace Out-One B

GULLIBLE LEMMINGS

The other day while taking a walk with my husband, he used a term I had not heard before. He was referring to the protesting thugs destroying the Capitol (and the millions of Trump supporters who believe his lie that he won the election), as "gullible lemmings." When I looked this term up, it described gullible lemmings as "not only believing the villain(s) (Trump), but actively trying to help them. They aren't Mooks or Les Collaborateurs, just regular citizens being what they think is a Heroic Bystander. If the villain is persuasive enough, everyone in the village, town, city, country, or any other kind of community will support them." For the past four years, we have listened to Trump tell lie after lie and most Republicans were not brave enough or principled enough to stand up to him, to call him out for his bigotry, to reprimand him for his lack of empathy, and for his delusional rants. They were complicit and therefore, just as much to blame for the insurrection that occured last Wednesday. It was more important for them to retain their base than to tell the world the truth. "Somebody had tipped the American continent like a pinball machine and all the goofballs had come roling to LA (substitute Washington) in the southwest corner. I cried for all of us. THERE WAS NO END TO THE AMERICAN SADNESS AND THE AMERICAN MADNESS." Jack Kerouac sums up Jan. 6th perfectly. So many quotes pertain to the insanity, the dishonesty, the ignorance, and bigotry that this country has endured for the past four years. I feel the need to vent and to share before we hopefully, regain some peace, kindness, empathy, and morals that will be reinstated into the Whitehouse on January 20th. Won't it be nice to not have Trump dominate every waking minute of the news? "It's the end of the world as we know it, and I feel fine." R.E.M. "We will all remember for the rest of our lives where we were on January 6th when Trump held America hostage." Oliver Markus Malloy Just as we all remember where we were when President Kennedy was shot, or when the World Trade towers went down on 9/11. The difference here is that our own President incited this insurrection. His rally and his words were the direct cause of five deaths, and the mass destruction of the Capitol building. Trump, his son, and Giulianni have blood on their hands and are directly responsible. Ironically, Trump has dumped Giuliani and now refuses to pay his legal fees. He has cast him aside because he no longer proves useful. Why is this not a surprise? 'Most people seem to get bored easly when havng an easy life, and need to feed on drama and conflicts to feel alive. They are like vampires and zombies, that feed on the anger of others. The flesh and blood is replaced here by life energy. Now, the main point here is that toxic woman and toxic men do make us sick. With a mentally sick person in our life, you can't make plans for the future. It's impossible to make plans when teaming with people that are too obsessed with conflicts and selfish needs And hopefully, there will come a time when such individuals are segregated from society and put in mental hospitals. (Robin Sacredfire). Mar a Lago is a bit like a mental hospital, don't you agree? Albert Einstein said, "Insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results." At this minute, there are unpricipled Republicans who still believe Trump can change, that he shouldn't be impeached, and that he will go quietly and there will be a peaceful transition. Not happening.... Einstein also said, that "the measure of intelligence is the ability to change." He's incapable. Trump is also a true egotist= "a person of low taste, more interested in himself than me." (Ambrose Bierce) He is also a bigot, ignorant, greedy and a buffoon. "Anyway, no drug, not even alcohol, causes the fundamental ills of society. If we're looking for the source of our troubles, we shouldn't test people for drugs. We should test them for stupidity, ignorance, greed and love of power." (P.J. O'Rourke) "NO DIVINE BOVINE! The clumsy creature currently inhabiting the White House is a distinctly dangerous animal. Part boneheaded raging bully, part dastardly coward showing signs of advanced mad cow disease. Neither of good pedigree nor useful breeding stock, there is essentially very little of substance between the T (bone) and the RUMP, except of course for an abundance of methane and bullshit. It's high time brave matadors of you to enter the bullring, withh nimble step and fleet of foot. Bring down this marauding beast once and for all. A louder cheer you will not hear from Madrid to Mexico City,from Beijing to Brussels, from London to Lahore, from Toronto to Tehran and ten thousand cities in between." Alex Moritt A change will come. Our country has always had hope and resilence. "The sun never quits shining. Sometimes clouds just get in the way." Unknown "It is during our darkest moments that we must focous to see the light." Aristotle "You may say I'm a dreamer, but I'm nt the only one. I hope someday you'll join us. And the world will live as one." John Lennon So here we are - 7 days away from a new beginning. I am rejoicing. I cannot wait! If you have gotten through the rant of this blog and "If you're reading this...... Congratulations, you're alive. If that's not something to smile about, then I don't know what is." Chad Sugg Be well. Stay safe. PEACE OUT! ONE B