It's Never Too Early to Start A Conversation

The assault on Cornell's Jane Doe has made for interesting discussions. My husband and I have thought about our four grandsons (and granddaughter) and have considered reaching out to them to initiate a conversation. But, we asked ourselves if we were overstepping as grandparents? Do we have the right to address these topics with them? Of course, we would get permission from their parents, and we hope these conversations have already started with all of them, and that their parents are also open to us having some dialogue with all of our grandchildren. I believe the responsibility is a job for all parents. Mothers, fathers, grandparents, teachers, and coaches should take on this issue and continually reinforce sexual equality and the meaning of consent. It isn't just college campuses where we must protect students. It's just that's where we mostly hear about it. One in four undergraduate women report being sexually assaulted at college. We can all agree that Cornell mishandled the allegations Jane Doe expressed about the seven men. It was irresponsible and unacceptable. Cornell should be held accountable and the young men involved should be held accountable. At first, it seemed to be "reasonably consensual" but eventually, it turned into a very "regrettable encounter". The Cornell crisis urges us to ask ourselves how do we as parents and grandparents avoid these situations from ever happening, whether it is in grade school, middle school, high school, college and beyond? At what age is it appropriate to start educating children? Everything I read says we need to start at an early age, when our children are in preschool. Kids need to learn respect for each others feelings. They should be taught to ask permission to borrow a toy or give a friend a hug. They, too, have the right to say no to a hug. They should be reminded it is not okay to take items by force, and to stop an action or a game if someone is clearly not enjoying it. We must stress personal boundaries-no one has the right to put their hands on you without your permission. Consent begins in childhood. In elementary school we should explore the topic that everyone has control over their own body. Children should be educated on how to advocate for themselves. We all have personal boundaries. By the time young men reach middle school and high school, we should have meaningful exchanges about relationships and consent. We must address drugs, alcohol, and sex. We all remember what it was like to be fourteen, confused, and horny! Respecting women at all times is of utmost importance. In adolescence, we must continue to stress peer pressure, sexual behavior and responsibility. When should someone speak up or intervene or call for help? Encourage your children to know you are ALWAYS available to help, no matter what. The influence of social media and male peer groups can be challenging. Young men need to know they cannot just silently hang back when someone is vulnerable. They must intervene. They must recognize when someone is in need of help. They must know how to react in that situation. They should never engage in group chats or if by chancem be a silent bystander in a horrible group chat. SAY SOMETHING TO END IT. When it comes right down to it, an essential part of boys (and girls) becoming loving, empathetic, responsible humans, is their need to observe good role models. Our children learn by watching their dads and how they treat their wives, moms, sisters, and work associates. They learn by watching a good marriage where partners treat each other with kindness and equality. It's imperative that they witness respectful relationships. Your children learn by watching positive role models who exhibit the necessary characteristics of integrity, accountability, and empathy. We should all be doing our part to reinforce these ideas and keep the conversation going. HAPPY THANKSGIVING! Peace Out-One B