Monday, April 29, 2024
LOVE MEANS NEVER HAVING TO SAY YOU'RE SORRY
"Love means never having to say you're sorry" is the famous line from Erich Segal's novel, Love Story. In the book/movie, the line infers that if two people love each other enough, then, no matter what transpires in their relationship, there is never a need to apologize. NOTHING COULD BE FURTHER FROM THE TRUTH! I believe apologies are very necessary in a loving relationship, in a friendship, with family members, and at school and at work. However, an apology must be genuine in order for it to be meaningful and effective. But, many times, an apology can seem insincere and as an empty gesture.
So, when is saying I'm sorry actually meaningful? If you have hurt someone, either by performing an offensive action or speaking malicious words, you must be truly regretful. You must admit the role you played in inflicting pain. The apology must be heartfelt and contrite, and then you should be forgiven.
Often, though, there are times when proclamations are dishonest and you apologize out of selfishness because you don't want to feel guilty anymore. Or you may apologize just to end the dispute-you become tired and bored with the ongoing disagreement and just want to end it! This will appease the person you have offended, but it is just a deceptive tool to prevent further discussion. This is a manipulative tactic because one offers up the words I'm sorry not because they truly think they are wrong, or that the offended person deserves an apology. Rather, they just want to move on, and chances are, they will hurt you again in exactly the same manner.
An example of this manipulative tactic follows. Recently, Khymani James, a leader in the Pro-Palestinian movement at Columbia University, was quoted as saying that "Zionists don't deserve to live." After major criticism, he posted a statement on social media saying, "what I said was wrong." He has been banned from Columbia (for the time being or forever-it's not clear). Hours earlier, James refused to apologize for the video in question. His apology was not heartfelt. He refused to admit it was disgusting and unacceptable rhetoric. Rather, He has tried to justify his words, and when asked if he saw his statements as problematic, James responded with "NO". This was not a sincere apology and he is not a remorseful individual. He should not be allowed to matriculate at Columbia, and he should not be forgiven.
We are all imperfect people and inevitably we will hurt the ones we love. Alexander Pope said, "To err is human, to forgive divine." We all make mistakes and it is brave to admit them. If you can't be vulnerable and say you are sorry, the offended party's resentment festers. We can only move forward when atonement has been made by the perpetrator, and absolution is made by the wounded person.
"LOVE IS HAVING TO SAY YOU'RE SORRY EVERY FIVE MINUTES" John Lennon
PEACE OUT-ONE B
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