The Intimacies of a Marriage

Recently, I was watching a show on Hulu called The Split. The main character, a prominent female attorney was describing her marriage (to her lover). I was intriqued by the character's analysis of her marriage. My husband, a Trust and Estate lawyer, often deals with NDA's, pre-nups and post-nups, contracts,and various structuring of assets. So, I am slightly familiar with these terms. An NDA or non disclosure agreement is often known as a confidentiality agreement. It's an important legal framework used to protect sensitive and confidential information from being made public by the recipient(s). In other words, it keeps a lid on very sensitive information. Anyway, I began to think that although most of us do not have written NDA's, or pre-nups or specific written contracts with our spouses,we all have unsaid, unwritten, and inferred parameters and specific "jobs" within our relationships. The character in this show believed that you have NDA's which you have "mentally signed on the dotted line." At no point in the marriage can either partner divulge their intricacies. When you marry, you essentially make a promise that "all the worst bits of yourself", even ones that are not okay, are between the two of you. You have found someone who "will live with them; will live around them; and who won't taunt you with them!" You each tell yourselves that these little quirks are what endear you to one another. They are what make you love each other. But, in reality, these may be the things that ultimately drive you nuts day after day. Leaving dirty clothes on the floor, using your tweezers to pluck an eyebrow or nose hair, leaving four grapes in the refrigerator after eating the whole bowl, never turning off the lights, or denying you said something vengeful after a night of drinking.... Ultimately, you may carry these tiny intimacies around like weapons and that can be dangerous. Let your partner know these things bother you before one of you explodes. Forty four years later and truly, my only complaint is those four grapes left in the fridge. He is perfect in every way! As far as the unwritten contract of who does what in a marriage, it usually just evolves as time goes on. Whether you both work or not, the roles become clear, especially, once children come into the picture. In my case, I am the decorator, the travel agent, the scheduler of social dates and restaurant reservations, the grocery shopper the cook, the baker, the housekeeper, the gift buyer, the holiday planner, and the bill payer. My husband is the salary provider, the dishwasher, the garbage and recycle guy, the one who buys the beverages(they're too heavy for me to schlep), and the one who goes to the ATM. Parental duties were always split 50/50, and anything to do with our grandchildren-we're both in 100%! Every marriage is different. Many of my friends have their husbands do the shopping and cooking, the bill paying, and the social dates. Whatever works is the key. It organically evolves and the goal should be that you appreciate all that your partner does, and that neither of you resent what your "jobs" are. Early in my marriage, I asked my husband to take over the bill paying. About a month later, fearing that my phone and lights would be shut off, I promptly took that job back! I recently read that a good marriage is one where each partner secretly suspects they got the better deal. I, for sure, know I got the better deal! "Marriage is a thousand little things...It's giving up the right to be right in the heat of an argument. It's forgiving another when they let you down. It's loving someone enough to step down so they can shine. It's FRIENDSHIP. It's being a cheerleader and a trusted confidant. It's a place of forgiveness that welcomes one home, and arms they can run to in the midst of a storm." (Darlene Schact) BIRTHDAY HUGS TO: L.K., M.J., D.S.C. PEACE OUT-ONE B

THERE'S NO VACCINE FOR STUPID (OR ANIMAL HOUSE 2021)

Remember when we associated the terms Delta, Epsilon, and Lambda with sororities and fraternities? Those were the good old days, not so long ago. Now we associate those words with mutant variants of the Covid Virus. The Delta variant is spreading: 89,977 cases is the current 7-day average, which is an increase of 30% over July, 2020. This virus is still causing death in mostly unvaccinated people. Sororities and fraternities can often be breeding grounds for ignorance, racial exclusion, classism, and silly/stupid behavior. College students are young and often make mistakes, so their behavior is somewhat excusable. But,now too, the people of the United States are mimicking the unacceptable behaviors of frat boys! Just like the frat parties that hold large gatherings and create widespread outbreaks of illness, Sturgis, South Dakota decided to have a motorcycle gathering this past weekend. These attendees are exhibiting willfull ignorance that affects negatively on the surrounding communities. It will, for certain, be a super spreader event. Yes, I know it is held outside. That is not where the problem lies. It's when the people get off their motorcycles and go into their hotel lobbies, eat indoors at a restaurant, and drink at the bars. This is how the spreading occurs. Journalist Donnie Johnson says: "American ingenuity could defeat Covid 19 but American ignorance won't let it. This virus has killed over a half million of our citizens, and left others with lifelong health issues. Yet, we have to pay or bribe people to protect themselves. Free drinks, $100 vouchers, etc. are the reward for getting the shot. Shouldn't not dying be the reward for you and your children? Why do we have to bribe a society to do what they should be doing anyway? Countries around the world are literally begging for this shot. Yet, we are turning it down, and actually throwing away unused doses. This is stupidity at its highest form-playing Russian Roulette with your life. Think of all the insane things you have done or put into your body when you were young! Pot, speed, LSD, shrooms, queludes and alcohol.... Now, this is where you draw the line-with a life-saving vaccine? Thanks to Trump and his team, three safe and effective vaccines were produced at record speed. Why isn't this man standing up in front of the world and taking credit for it? Why isn't he telling his constituency this vaccine is safe and everyone needs it? Why aren't his Republican senators and congressman doing the same? The Trump Republicans in Louisanna, Missouri, Nevada, Arkansas and Florida need to be convinced. The infections are soaring in those states. People on their deathbeds are lamenting their poor decisions-TOO LATE. Science doesn't lie. 70% of Americans who took the vaccine did not turn into monsters. They are not sterile. Our DNA has remained the same. Healthy Babies were born and Pregnant woman didn't die. And NOT ONE REPUBLICAN TURNED INTO A DEMOCRAT. We were almost near the end of this; we started putting away our masks; we were leaving our homes, going back to restaurants and our offices. We were resumming LIFE. Are we so stubborn and selfish that acting like entitled spoiled brats is acceptable? Why should unvaccinated people be allowed take down those who don't agree with their "herd immunity" theories? Putting yourself at risk is one thing. Hoasting that view on others is selfish, mean spirited, and plain ignorant. You are putting your own children, grandchildren, and neighbors at risk. WHETHER YOU ARE A DEMOCRAT OR A REPUBLICAN, NOBODY HAS THE RIGHT TO INFECT OTHERS WITH A DEADLY DISEASE! The goals of sorority and fraternity life should be the same as the larger society. We should teach the world how friendship and brotherhood enhances collabrative work and a sense of community. We should be good neighbors and friends. We should exhibit kindness and caring. This denial of scientific facts is resulting in physical and emotional trauma, not to mention death. The lies and misinformation must stop. Somehow we must create avenues for unity. Thomas Jefferson says, "Love your neighbor as yourself and your country MORE than yourself." If unvaccinated people profess to love their country and truly meant that-they would get vaccinated and save the lives of fellow Americans. Until then-All of the unvaccinated are on "Double Secret Probation-Actually Not So Secret." (Animal House) We'll be Watching.... PEACE OUT-ONE B