I am not going to lie. I am depressed. I am totally at my wit's end and yet, this virus's end is nowhere in sight. Before the pandemic, I was often with my grandchildren during the week. I either did school pickups; or drove one of them to an afternoon activity; or had a magnatile playdate building zoos, castles, and buildings; or went to parks; and we shared many fun experiences and meals together.
I went to the gym everyday. I would visit with my mom several times a week and I took her various places. I met my friends for dinner and drinks at a restaurant. Usually, my husband and I wouldn't eat dinner until 8pm (which is when he would get home from work). We traveled a few times a year and spent a week in the summer at Spring Lake with our kids and their kids. We were planning a Europe trip in the fall.
All of this has come to an alarming halt. My grandchildren can't come in my car. We can't go to movies together or touch their toys. Parks are out of the question-no swings or slides allowed. My mom has been in isolation for three months (and tomorrow I get to visit with her with a piece of plexiglass in between us)! There will be no travel and there is no Spring Lake this summer. And let's discuss my dinner-it's now at 6:30 p.m. because my husband is already home and done with work after a 12-13 hour day! So by 8:30, I am starving again. And, as I have told anyone who will listen: CHICOS is my new CHANEL!
I feel such sadness that I can't spend the same amount of time with the three youngest grandchildren (ages 1, almost 2, almost 3) as I had the opportunity to do with the two older boys. Do the little ones EVEN know me? When I do have the opportunity to see them, they can't figure out the masks or why I won't hug them. It has been sheer torture. The two older ones (ages 5 & 7) are much more understanding, and we talk a lot on Facetime and on Caribu. I miss getting and giving the hugs and kisses. Will they ever want to sleep here again? None of them have had the opportunity in so long or EVER, and I fear that they will be scared to sleep in a strange bed or crib.
So I have resorted to being a homework advisor and a shopper/chef for themed meals: S'More Saturday, Sundaes on Sunday, Mac and Cheese Monday, Taco Tuesday, Froot Loop Friday or Fish and Chips Friday, and Thinny Thin Pizza on Thursday (hasn't happened yet). Mind you-I don't eat the meals with them. We would be at two separate tables 12 feet away.
I do get to visit in a socially distant way with three of my grandsons. We can take a walk on opposite sides of the street or I can watch but NOT participate in any sports they play-no touching balls, paddles, swings. My other daughter will not allow any socially distant visits because her daughter and son are too young to understand staying away from us. It's completely heartbreaking. So for now, Facetime is my savior.
I know, I know-many of you are in exactly the same position or don't even have kids that live nearby. So I am grateful for the ability to be in close proximity to everyone, and very thankful that everyone is healthy!
That brings me to the lessons I can learn from this Hell. If you have to go through Hell, don't come out of it empty handed. So here it goes....
More often I take stock of the beauty around me-my lovely daughters and sons in law, my husband, my grandchildren, and nature that surrounds me everyday. I value the sunrises more, the sunsets, the birds chirping, foxes that cross my path while walking, and the blooming trees, flowers, and shrubs. ACHOO!!!!!!!! I don't take any of this for granted.
So much of what we used to do was and is unnecessary. We don't need to spend so much time shopping, buying things, driving places, or dressing in uncomfortable clothes and shoes.
All of us are stressed-try and be more gracious with the people you love. Have a greater degree of empathy for one another. They are all just as stressed as you are. This is not an easy time for anyone.
Show appreciation to all the wonderful service people out there-not just during the pandemic but always! The doctors, nurses, mailmen, food and package delivery people, plumbers, grill fixers, electricians, the a/c guy, the gardeners, the garbage men, grocery store workers, the chefs, all the amazing staff in assisted living and nursing facilities, news casters, governors, and everyone who continues to work so hard to help us get through this trying time. Never miss an opportunity to thank them! Tell them how much you appreciate them. All of them are HEROES.
This virus is Not going away. And there is NOT a vaccine that will be happening for a long while. So, I want to remind everyone that even as restrictions are lifted, the health experts still recommend that older adults (that's me!) avoid potential carriers. The safest strategy is to spend your social time outdoors. Stay 10-12 feet apart (not 6 feet) when inside or outside with others. Everyone over the age of 2 should be wearing a mask-I know that might be unrealistic. Don't share food or drinks. Always carry hand sanitizer. Explain to the younger children that masks are keeping their grandparents safe.
Stay connected with your relatives and friends. It is imperative for our emotional, mental, and physical health to interact with people. Loneliness is the great predictor of decline. So, Count your blessings and cherish what you have. And always remember that "Everyday is a gift; but tomorrow is never a promise."
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