I am not going to lie. I am depressed. I am totally at my wit's end and yet, this virus's end is nowhere in sight. Before the pandemic, I was often with my grandchildren during the week. I either did school pickups; or drove one of them to an afternoon activity; or had a magnatile playdate building zoos, castles, and buildings; or went to parks; and we shared many fun experiences and meals together.
I went to the gym everyday. I would visit with my mom several times a week and I took her various places. I met my friends for dinner and drinks at a restaurant. Usually, my husband and I wouldn't eat dinner until 8pm (which is when he would get home from work). We traveled a few times a year and spent a week in the summer at Spring Lake with our kids and their kids. We were planning a Europe trip in the fall.
All of this has come to an alarming halt. My grandchildren can't come in my car. We can't go to movies together or touch their toys. Parks are out of the question-no swings or slides allowed. My mom has been in isolation for three months (and tomorrow I get to visit with her with a piece of plexiglass in between us)! There will be no travel and there is no Spring Lake this summer. And let's discuss my dinner-it's now at 6:30 p.m. because my husband is already home and done with work after a 12-13 hour day! So by 8:30, I am starving again. And, as I have told anyone who will listen: CHICOS is my new CHANEL!
I feel such sadness that I can't spend the same amount of time with the three youngest grandchildren (ages 1, almost 2, almost 3) as I had the opportunity to do with the two older boys. Do the little ones EVEN know me? When I do have the opportunity to see them, they can't figure out the masks or why I won't hug them. It has been sheer torture. The two older ones (ages 5 & 7) are much more understanding, and we talk a lot on Facetime and on Caribu. I miss getting and giving the hugs and kisses. Will they ever want to sleep here again? None of them have had the opportunity in so long or EVER, and I fear that they will be scared to sleep in a strange bed or crib.
So I have resorted to being a homework advisor and a shopper/chef for themed meals: S'More Saturday, Sundaes on Sunday, Mac and Cheese Monday, Taco Tuesday, Froot Loop Friday or Fish and Chips Friday, and Thinny Thin Pizza on Thursday (hasn't happened yet). Mind you-I don't eat the meals with them. We would be at two separate tables 12 feet away.
I do get to visit in a socially distant way with three of my grandsons. We can take a walk on opposite sides of the street or I can watch but NOT participate in any sports they play-no touching balls, paddles, swings. My other daughter will not allow any socially distant visits because her daughter and son are too young to understand staying away from us. It's completely heartbreaking. So for now, Facetime is my savior.
I know, I know-many of you are in exactly the same position or don't even have kids that live nearby. So I am grateful for the ability to be in close proximity to everyone, and very thankful that everyone is healthy!
That brings me to the lessons I can learn from this Hell. If you have to go through Hell, don't come out of it empty handed. So here it goes....
More often I take stock of the beauty around me-my lovely daughters and sons in law, my husband, my grandchildren, and nature that surrounds me everyday. I value the sunrises more, the sunsets, the birds chirping, foxes that cross my path while walking, and the blooming trees, flowers, and shrubs. ACHOO!!!!!!!! I don't take any of this for granted.
So much of what we used to do was and is unnecessary. We don't need to spend so much time shopping, buying things, driving places, or dressing in uncomfortable clothes and shoes.
All of us are stressed-try and be more gracious with the people you love. Have a greater degree of empathy for one another. They are all just as stressed as you are. This is not an easy time for anyone.
Show appreciation to all the wonderful service people out there-not just during the pandemic but always! The doctors, nurses, mailmen, food and package delivery people, plumbers, grill fixers, electricians, the a/c guy, the gardeners, the garbage men, grocery store workers, the chefs, all the amazing staff in assisted living and nursing facilities, news casters, governors, and everyone who continues to work so hard to help us get through this trying time. Never miss an opportunity to thank them! Tell them how much you appreciate them. All of them are HEROES.
This virus is Not going away. And there is NOT a vaccine that will be happening for a long while. So, I want to remind everyone that even as restrictions are lifted, the health experts still recommend that older adults (that's me!) avoid potential carriers. The safest strategy is to spend your social time outdoors. Stay 10-12 feet apart (not 6 feet) when inside or outside with others. Everyone over the age of 2 should be wearing a mask-I know that might be unrealistic. Don't share food or drinks. Always carry hand sanitizer. Explain to the younger children that masks are keeping their grandparents safe.
Stay connected with your relatives and friends. It is imperative for our emotional, mental, and physical health to interact with people. Loneliness is the great predictor of decline. So, Count your blessings and cherish what you have. And always remember that "Everyday is a gift; but tomorrow is never a promise."
Wednesday, May 27, 2020
Wednesday, May 6, 2020
NEW ONE B BLOG: "TIME IS THE FINAL CURRENCY" (David Crosby)
Here I am again with more rants!
Donald Trump is a man who deflects blame both personally and politically. Everyday he selects someone else to attack. Who is it now? Obama, China, WHO, the FBI, the press, President Bush, The Lincoln Project?
Trump fired Dr. Rick Bright, a former vaccine official. Why? Bright filed a whistleblower complaint against the Whitehouse stating he was pressured to ignore scientific recommendations and put politics and cronyism ahead of human lives. Where is the ethics in this firing? Trump continually berates and pushes out the brightest people. DON'T CROSS THE BOSS is his motto. He doesn't want truth.
If your child, spouse, friend, or partner was acting this erratically, you would seek help immediately.
Does Trump think if we don't talk about the virus it will just vanish? When an epidemic strikes, we need communication from scientists and medical experts. It is vital we have clear facts and clear evidence. If Trump engaged the scientists to provide our information and allowed them to actually tell us the facts, he would then be a true leader.
We are in a crisis. A crisis is an opportunity to show how you lead. A leader would demonstrate competence, firmness, and honesty. Closing your eyes to the recent models of how the virus will progress, and refusing to provide adequate testing for our country merely proves his choice to put politics and economics above the value of human lives.
Angus King, the Independent senator from Maine, is on the Intelligence Committee and was put on the Task Force to reopen the country. He was contacted only once (to be assigned to the Task Force). Several Weeks ago, he wrote to Trump suggesting that he place the competent Joe Dunford (19th former Chief of Staff) in charge of testing so that by June 15, the U.S. could be testing 2 million people a day. The suggestion fell on deaf ears. This morning, Dr. Jonathan Reiner said that a new study indicates every person in America should be tested. The reason for this comment: Asymptomatic people are shedding the virus and exhibit absolutely no symptoms. So, when you are in the market or at the pharmacy, there are many people in the aisles unknowingly spreading this virus. Extensive testing is the ONLY way we can eradicate this virus until there is a vaccine. Trump does not care about saving lives. He cares about winning the November election, and the stock market. And,"the real tragedy is that this is a mistake. By cutting himself off from people who know their subject matter and who will tell him the truth, he is cutting himself off from good information, which makes for very bad decisions." This virus is about science. No politics or ideology is involved.
Is it necessary to open tattoo parlors, nail salons, and bowling alleys? Who is that helping?
FDR said in his 1937 Inaugural Speech: "Hard-headness will not so easily excuse Hard-heartedness."
So, on a completely different tangent....How are all of you dealing with your significant others in such close quarters 24/7? I assume for some of you it's fabulous, and for some of you, not so much. I read an interesting interview in The New Yorker with therapist, Esther Perel. She discusses what happens to couples under stress.
Presently, in this isolation era your "partner is now expected to be your best friend, lover, psychotherapist, childcare co-worker, dishwasher, cook, housekeeper. Before all this, historically some of these positions were spread out within the community".
She suggests that we "create boundaries and routines". We should "separate day and night, weekdays and weekends, private time and family time. Couples need to regulate togetherness and separateness with or without confinement during a corona virus."
I couldn't agree with this more! I have always been a loner during the day! I need my space and my autonomy. I don't like to talk in the morning. I value my alone time. I don't want to discuss who I spoke with on the phone, or what my best friend had to say. I don't want to have lunch together on a weekday. In fact, I don't want to eat lunch at all on a weekday! Believe me, I adore my husband. And I am truly a very social person-I love talking to and being with my friends, I love going out and having fun. But, I am also equally happy spending time with just me, myself, and I. So, just let me be until we meet up at our dinners each evening, or until the weekend. I'll even eat lunch with you on Saturday and Sunday! Partners shouldn't take this personally or be offended. For me, it is merely about maintaining the routines we had before this virus came along. I am the same person I always was-my alone time is necessary for my sanity!
Ok-what to watch next?
Hollywood-Netflix
I Know This Much is True-HBO on 5/10
Jerry Seinfeld's 23 Hours to Kill - Netflix
Big Time Adolescence-Hulu
Quotes I like:
"Never underestimate what a hungry man will do for bacon." From the show, WACO.
"Shingles, Whiskers, bad bones, and bunions" -referring to what happens to women as they age.
From the show Better Things.
Can't wait until I can rant with all of you in person! Be well. Stay Safe.
PEACE OUT-ONE B
Donald Trump is a man who deflects blame both personally and politically. Everyday he selects someone else to attack. Who is it now? Obama, China, WHO, the FBI, the press, President Bush, The Lincoln Project?
Trump fired Dr. Rick Bright, a former vaccine official. Why? Bright filed a whistleblower complaint against the Whitehouse stating he was pressured to ignore scientific recommendations and put politics and cronyism ahead of human lives. Where is the ethics in this firing? Trump continually berates and pushes out the brightest people. DON'T CROSS THE BOSS is his motto. He doesn't want truth.
If your child, spouse, friend, or partner was acting this erratically, you would seek help immediately.
Does Trump think if we don't talk about the virus it will just vanish? When an epidemic strikes, we need communication from scientists and medical experts. It is vital we have clear facts and clear evidence. If Trump engaged the scientists to provide our information and allowed them to actually tell us the facts, he would then be a true leader.
We are in a crisis. A crisis is an opportunity to show how you lead. A leader would demonstrate competence, firmness, and honesty. Closing your eyes to the recent models of how the virus will progress, and refusing to provide adequate testing for our country merely proves his choice to put politics and economics above the value of human lives.
Angus King, the Independent senator from Maine, is on the Intelligence Committee and was put on the Task Force to reopen the country. He was contacted only once (to be assigned to the Task Force). Several Weeks ago, he wrote to Trump suggesting that he place the competent Joe Dunford (19th former Chief of Staff) in charge of testing so that by June 15, the U.S. could be testing 2 million people a day. The suggestion fell on deaf ears. This morning, Dr. Jonathan Reiner said that a new study indicates every person in America should be tested. The reason for this comment: Asymptomatic people are shedding the virus and exhibit absolutely no symptoms. So, when you are in the market or at the pharmacy, there are many people in the aisles unknowingly spreading this virus. Extensive testing is the ONLY way we can eradicate this virus until there is a vaccine. Trump does not care about saving lives. He cares about winning the November election, and the stock market. And,"the real tragedy is that this is a mistake. By cutting himself off from people who know their subject matter and who will tell him the truth, he is cutting himself off from good information, which makes for very bad decisions." This virus is about science. No politics or ideology is involved.
Is it necessary to open tattoo parlors, nail salons, and bowling alleys? Who is that helping?
FDR said in his 1937 Inaugural Speech: "Hard-headness will not so easily excuse Hard-heartedness."
So, on a completely different tangent....How are all of you dealing with your significant others in such close quarters 24/7? I assume for some of you it's fabulous, and for some of you, not so much. I read an interesting interview in The New Yorker with therapist, Esther Perel. She discusses what happens to couples under stress.
Presently, in this isolation era your "partner is now expected to be your best friend, lover, psychotherapist, childcare co-worker, dishwasher, cook, housekeeper. Before all this, historically some of these positions were spread out within the community".
She suggests that we "create boundaries and routines". We should "separate day and night, weekdays and weekends, private time and family time. Couples need to regulate togetherness and separateness with or without confinement during a corona virus."
I couldn't agree with this more! I have always been a loner during the day! I need my space and my autonomy. I don't like to talk in the morning. I value my alone time. I don't want to discuss who I spoke with on the phone, or what my best friend had to say. I don't want to have lunch together on a weekday. In fact, I don't want to eat lunch at all on a weekday! Believe me, I adore my husband. And I am truly a very social person-I love talking to and being with my friends, I love going out and having fun. But, I am also equally happy spending time with just me, myself, and I. So, just let me be until we meet up at our dinners each evening, or until the weekend. I'll even eat lunch with you on Saturday and Sunday! Partners shouldn't take this personally or be offended. For me, it is merely about maintaining the routines we had before this virus came along. I am the same person I always was-my alone time is necessary for my sanity!
Ok-what to watch next?
Hollywood-Netflix
I Know This Much is True-HBO on 5/10
Jerry Seinfeld's 23 Hours to Kill - Netflix
Big Time Adolescence-Hulu
Quotes I like:
"Never underestimate what a hungry man will do for bacon." From the show, WACO.
"Shingles, Whiskers, bad bones, and bunions" -referring to what happens to women as they age.
From the show Better Things.
Can't wait until I can rant with all of you in person! Be well. Stay Safe.
PEACE OUT-ONE B
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