Crinkles and Bonies

In the past month I have had the misfortune of several family members (spanning form the ages of 15 months to 94 years) needing some type of medical attention.
  Truthfully, the stress you experience when your spouse, grandchild, parent, or child becomes ill cannot be underestimated. It doesn't matter how minor or major an issue-it causes anxiety and worry.
Having had my fair share of family members that have sought expert medical attention for their various issues, I would like to share my recent observations and thoughts.
   FIRST AND FOREMOST-I don't care how brilliant a Doctor is, or what schools he/she attended. They are only as good as their front desk and nursing staff. In a dire situation, one must be able to consult with the doctor quickly or be able to get in to see the doctor as soon as possible. ( I am not referring to a situation where you clearly should be calling 911).  If the desk is not compassionate; or trained to ask relevant questions; and/or smart enough to relay the message to the doctor: you are SCREWED-period. My rule of thumb: I have to love the way the Front Desk operates and consistently treats the patient. And, this essentially goes back to the Doctor and his instructions to the staff.


SECOND-Every patient must have an advocate. It does not matter how young, how old, or how alert/ or of sound mind they are-there must be someone else listening to what the doctor is saying. When you are having an issue, it is hard to focus on the doctor's evaluation, instructions, and diagnosis. I always like to bring my spouse or a daughter with me when I have a major medical issue to make if it is in regard to a change in health, or a medication, or upcoming surgery. (No-I don't take someone to my teeth cleanings or the podiatrist!)


THIRD-Get more than one opinion if this is something serious; requires medication you are weary about, or the physician is suggesting imminent surgery. I often get several diagnoses and see how the various specialists line up with the suggested treatment of the first Physician. I can't begin to tell you how many times surgery or a medication was suggested to me, and I didn't go through with it. And it turned out to be the absolute best decision for me to remain conservative. Again, I am not talking about taking the decision to take mucinex vs. advil!


FOURTH-Arm yourself with a little knowledge. Too much internet research can make you crazy and have you imminently dying, so be careful with the computer. But, you should ask intelligent questions. Come prepared and have your meds written down, and your questions written down. Ask about what tests would better help evaluate the illness. Ask about what medications and diet you should you start or stop during this illness.


FIFTH-Discuss the issue with friends (if you feel comfortable doing so). Someone always knows
THE BEST DOCTOR for the issue. Someone can get you into the see the Specialist faster instead of waiting 3 more months. Be willing to accept help from others. Yes, it  is uncomfortable to ask a favor of an acquaintance or a friend of a friend, but I know I would do the same for someone else. Do not be afraid to reach out and ask for help-it truly saves lives. In more than one instance, it has helped my family and we are forever grateful to those who went out of their way for us.


SIXTH-Weigh your options. Think about the best possible solution for YOU. Don't rush to do a procedure if is not absolutely necessary. Sometimes what a friend or relative would do in a similar situation isn't necessarily right for your specific ailment.


SEVENTH-Make your homes safe. If you have infants and toddlers around, install gates, childproof latches, bolt your dressers, bookcases, and large TV's to the walls. Remove glass objects, poison/pills, etc. that are under sinks.
If you are aging, or have elderly parents, install shower, tub, and toilet grab bars. Remove all area rugs. Put rubber grips on the floors of showers and baths. Buy medic alert necklaces and keep them charged and wear them.


EIGTH-if you can afford it, invest in Long term care insurance. Today there are great products out there by Prudential that offer Life insurance benefits combined with long term care benefits. You use the long term care if you need it, or it remains as life insurance with death benefits if you don't. Everyone thinks they'll never need long term care. But, if you have had an aging parent who needed around the clock care or had an illness that lasted for years, you realize how important a long term care policy is. Make sure you have the option of staying at home with an aide OR going into a facility depending on your preference. Believe me-this is the best way to avoid being a burden to your children. It is a gift to both you and your children.


FINALLY-Everyone wants to fiercely hold on to their independence. The best way to remain independent is to accept HELP. Ultimately,this will prolong your life and make the quality of your life infinitely better.





{My six year old grandson, Max, recently asked me: " Nonni, why do you have so many crinkles? I asked, do you mean Wrinkles? He said YES! And I responded , that is what happens when you get old!"


Recently, one of my oldest friends told her toddler granddaughter, "Ida, what beautiful soft skin she had. And her granddaughter replied, But, Soffie, why do you have so many bonies on you face and hands? Again, my friend replied: because that's what happens when you get old!"}


Yes,we are all going to grow old eventually- and, that is so much better than the alternative!!!! Live every minute like it matters! Keep moving and enjoy life!
Now a major shout out to my daughter and son in law, who are pregnant with number 2!
So thrilled to be on the cusp of being a Nonni for the 5th time! It's the best job in the world.
Peace Out-One B

Welcome Will!

A few weeks ago I was blessed with my fourth grandchild! I can unequivocally say that there is no greater joy in this world. Of course, my Wedding day and the Births of my two girls rank right up there, but a grandchild is completely unique. It is amazing to watch your baby parent her baby.
For those of you that have not yet been blessed with becoming a grandparent, it's hard to describe the emotions. And for those of you that have been blessed already, you will recognize all that I feel.
  First let me site a quote by Frederick Douglas: In reference to raising children, he says:
"It is easier to build strong children than to repair broken (wo)men.


I trust that my girls and their husbands, who are bright, accomplished, incredible people will do their best to raise moral, strong, curious, and kind children. Where I come in, is to hopefully supplement those values; to increase their joy of life, to keep them engaged and curious about everything on this planet. I admit that in this world of smart phones, I pads, and television in every room that this can be a bit challenging. I try hard to communicate at each meal that we are together. No one should be looking at their phones and often parents and grandparents are the rule breakers. We must consciously set an example for the children and communicate with one another. And during bottle feeding, talk to your baby. Don't look at your phone. They can follow your voice and listen to you sing. I see Will responding to sound all day long. Believe me, it is so important!


  But most of all, I think a grandparent should show love unconditionally. No strings attached. I want to spoil them rotten, but teach them right from wrong at the same time.
Be kind to everyone. Cherish everyone's differences. Don't bully. Don't tattle. Be Respectful.
Study hard.
Don't lie.
Love School and Learning.
Love Camp and Playing.
Value Friends and Relatives.
Look people in the eye and say hello.


 I want to keep them safe (that means no Halloween Candy that can be unwrapped and rewrapped!), Take my hand when you cross the street, and don't run away from me in a parking lot.
Know your phone number and address. Don't get into a car with a stranger.
Don't jump in the bathtub! Don't jump off furniture! Don't swing from the chandelier!


I want to be there for them always. I want to listen and really hear what they say. I often ask how was your day? Now tell me the rose of the day-tell me the thorn. I want to encourage them to be confident in who they are and what they want to do.  I want them to always have fun with me.
But most of all, I want to be in their hearts.
And I want to be in their lives for as long as I can.


Each and every minute I spend with my four grandchildren is a blessing. I cherish them and how they have changed my life. It is an honor to be called Nonni.