This summer I had the great fortune having my parents visit from Florida for almost a month. One of these weeks My husband and I rented a home in Rhode Island and hosted my parents (mom is almost 87 and Dad is almost 90), my daughters, their husbands, and my 14 month old grandson.
What I came to realize during the summer, was that I was constantly worrying about my parents and my grandson- although they were on the opposite end of the age spectrum. They both had similar needs and wants, and generated like concerns for me.
First and foremost, there are several flights of steps in my home and in the vacation home. I was constantly making sure the baby wouldn't go near the steps and fall down. Each time my parents would go up the steps or come down, I wanted to assist them for fear they would hurt themselves as well. I installed night lights everywhere and provided flashlights and gates so these areas would be well lit and secure for everyone. But that brings me to the "independence" issue. Of course, the 14 month baby thinks he can go anywhere and do anything. He has absolutely no fear. And guess what, so do my parents! They want their independence and fight me every inch of the way. I get it-they are youthful, healthy, and want to live their lives by themselves for as long as they can. Yet, truth be told, their balance is a little different, and they are not as steady on their feet as they once were. As for my grandson, he is not as steady on his feet as he will soon become...
The next issue I encountered was where we could eat where we would be served quickly and how noisy it would be. The very young and old do not exhibit a lot of patience or the ability to sit and dine for an extended period of time. I found myself having a lot of anxiety at mealtimes that were in restaurants. I wanted menus right away, the drink order taken at the same time as the food order, and the check as soon as we were finished. If it was too loud, my Dad could not hear anyone. Yet, that would hide my grandson's funny screeches which was good. Also, my grandson needed food shortly after we sat down and so did my parents! If service was too slow, the meal did not go well. As a result, preparing meals at home were much more relaxing and far easier.
Finally, we had to plan our activities around the baby's nap schedule AND how long my parents could be out before they got worn out. There was a limited amount of time before everyone needed to rest. Trying to coordinate all these issues made me realize that I was caring for my aging parents exactly in the same manner as my little grandson. As our parents age, we, their children, tend to their needs as if they were our children. Funny- they raised us, took great care of us, and allowed us to become independent adults. Now, all these years later, we have the privilege and responsibility of taking care of our parents and grandchildren. The struggle for us is making sure they are all safe and healthy while allowing them to maintain some independence. Not only is this frustrating for me but I understand it is incredibly frustrating for them as well. We all just need to do the best we can and feel blessed they are here to teach us these life lessons.
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