A week ago, my oldest daughter gave birth to a son. For me, becoming a parent and raising two daughters was the most rewarding, the hardest, and the happiest of times. If I do say so myself, my husband and I did a pretty amazing job. Both my daughters are intelligent, beautiful, accomplished, confident, independent and kind women. If I were to repeat the advice that I gave to my daughters along the way, these would be some of the ideas I tried to convey. First and Foremost, be kind to everyone: girls, especially, must be nice to other girls. Second, pick something you love to do and something you can also do from your home when children do come into the picture ( I so wish my parents had stressed this). Third, whatever your age, a woman should never define herself by having a man or being in a relationship. Fourth, when and if you do fall in love, make sure the person respects you, make sure they love you beyond infinity and puts you first at ALL times. Finally, know that parents do the best they can. They never intentionally screw up, but it happens.
So now that my job of raising my daughters is done, I have been assigned a new position. I am Nonni and I have the most exquisite grandson. This job is a little easier and a lot more fun! My grandson is perfect in everyway-REALLY! So, I will now reveal what I have learned so far. Most important and never to be forgotten: my grandson's parents are very,very smart. They will figure out what to do and how to do it without my advice. If they want advice or assistance, I am more than happy to oblige. But, I am confident in my daughter and son in laws abilities and this is their child, not mine. Next, Love your grandchild unconditionally. You don't have to be quite as strict this time around. Let them know they can come to you for any reason and at any time. Get on the floor and play with your grandchild. Be silly. Sing to them. Read to them. Bake with them. Dance with them. And then,teach them to respect and be kind to everyone no matter their race, religion, political preference, or sex. And one day soon, my grandson, you will learn to treat women as your equal and at the same time, be a gentleman. Open doors, Stand up when a woman approaches a table; Listen intently when a woman (or anyone for that matter) talks-hear what they are saying; Pull out her chair when she sits down; Never curse, bite your nails, fart, or pick your nose! Manners are a lost art these days and need to be taught.
All that being said, I am in magnificent bliss. I am flying high. I am elated beyond any description. I watch my baby caring for her baby and tears of joy rain down upon my face. She and her husband have produced an amazing young man-a miraculous blessing. I cherish these past days and look so foward to many minutes, hours, days and years of watching this beautiful boy grow up and enjoy this magical world. How blessed I am ........How lucky I am.......And how lucky he is to be surrounded by so many incredible people who love him.
Tuesday, June 26, 2012
Sunday, June 10, 2012
Ode to My Husband
Tomorrow my husband and I will celebrate our 35th Wedding Anniversary. If you had consulted with my mother-in-law, she would have told you it would never last. In fact, she hoped it wouldn't last. But in spite of that, we have enjoyed being together for 38 years. Last night we had the priviledge of enjoying this celebration with our daughters and our sons in laws. The children asked if we could impart any sage advice on how to make a marriage work. So, after a few drinks, I am not exactly sure if I mentioned all of the following, so at the risk of repeating myself, here goes.
- Always hear your spouse out-REALLY LISTEN. Don't be dismissive of their feelings. If someone is feeling sad, happy, angry, scared and they need to tell you or blame you, you need to hear what they are saying and try and find a solution. Empathize-Do not mock or be sarcastic.
- Be playful, active, always willing to try something new with each other. This could be on a trip, on a night out, with friends, or in your home. It doesn't matter. Even if you don't have the same interests, respect what each of you enjoy and allow each other to experience those pleasures. Explore, have adventures, and don't get into a rut. Everyday can't be a holiday, but you can keep it fun alot of the time.
- The 3 things you will continually argue about: MONEY, YOUR CHILDREN, YOUR RELATIVES. This will never end-EVER. So figure out that sometimes the two of you have to agree to disagree. Acknowledge to each other that your children, in laws, parents, or siblings can be annoying, or selfish, or demanding, or wrong. This doesn't mean that they aren't good, loving, wonderful people. Everyone will deal with this. You both must be willing to recognize that people aren't at their best at all times. Admit it. Don't Defend it.
- Don't evade the issues. Communicate. Don't run. Work it out.
- Be thoughtful. Buy each other a gift even when it's not an occasion. Leave a nice note. Cook for each other.
- Do the dishes for each other. Fold the Laundry and put it away. Vacuum or clean out your spouse's car, closet, etc. Put your spouse first - always....
- Hold hands. Kiss. Touch. You can never do this enough.
- Finally, you have to like each other. Respect each other. Be supportive, laugh, encourage your partner to do better, to excel. Be proud of your spouse.
Thursday, June 7, 2012
Be Present in The Moment
Yesterday, I watched Brian Williams conduct a short interview with President Clinton. The President told Brian that his family had gotten their first television when he was ten years old. His generation was "a storytelling generation". By that he meant that his family talked to each other and learned from people retelling stories to one another. For the first ten years of his life, there was no television. He expressed concern that today's generation who texts on an average of 80 times a day are missing out on what is really important. I completely concur with President Clinton.
Recently, I was involved in an altercation at a restaurant. I witnessed a mom,dad, and 3 teenage children at a dinner table. All were on their IPhones while chowing down. Everyone was looking down. No one was interacting. I thought this was sad and depressing. I long for the days when my (now 28 and 31 year old) daughters sat at the dinner table with me and their dad telling us all about the day. We discussed politics, work, school, and family. It was my most favorite time of the day! So, Getting back to the family at the restaurant, I realized I had absolutely no right to interfere, but I just couldn't help myself. I told the dad what a beautiful family he had. I told him how lucky he was to have them and how lucky they were to have two wonderful parents. AND, I told him what a shame it was, that noone was enjoying the moment. Although he agreed, his wife was extremely angry that I interfered. And she was correct-I had no right to say anything. But, I couldn't stop thinking about the sadness of the scene.
The next day my husband and I witnessed a grandfather and his grandson out for a sunday night dinner. The grandfather was playing on his IPhone while the grandson stared into space. Again, I thought there was so much they could be learning from one another, and so much joy they could be getting from this moment. Instead, silence ensued.
A third example I recently watched was a young teen coming into a salon for a pedicure. Shortly after she began to soak her feet, her mom came in and sat in the adjacent seat to also get a
pedicure. Immediately, they both took out their phones and began texting at breakneck speed. I never saw fingers move so fast. I was again profoundly sad viewing them. Here was a perfect moment where a mom and daughter could have interacted and discussed their day. Neither had any interest in doing that. How could this little phone have more importance than talking to your mom or your child or your grandchild?
I am about to become a grandma for the first time. I am about to celebrate my 35th Anniversary. I have a great husband and marriage. I have two amazing healthy parents. I am proud of my two fabulous daughters and son in laws. I love my siblings, nieces, and nephews. I WANT to be in the MOMENT. I want to experience all these fabulous people and all they have to offer. I ALWAYS look forward to spending time with them and learning from them. I can't imagine being more blessed and I am so thankful everyday.
True-many of my friends make fun of my technological incompetence! I actually cherish it! My phone is just my phone. A camera is just a camera. A book is just a book. Yes, I do text on occasion but because it is the only way I can get my daughters to respond quickly! Truthfully, technology often gets it wrong. Think about your phone. When you spell socks, it spells sex. Or you say Disney and it hears divorce. Or how many times does your GPS tell you to go the wrong way? And Siri isn't all that smart or nice! I am tired of automated answering machines when you are trying to get to your dr. or questioning a bill. Enough already. I don't want to hold for 30 minutes just to be told to leave a name and number for someone to return my call. Can't we just go back to people talking to one another face to face? To really listening to what someone is saying? If I see one more person walking down the street texting and not watching where they are walking, OR speaking into the air on their bluetooth and not making eye contact with another person on the street, on the bus, in the store, or on the train, I feel I will scream.
Please take the time to LIVE IN THE MOMENT. Believe me, there's nothing better out there than what you have in front of you this very second. Stop and Smell the roses......it is soooo worth it.
Recently, I was involved in an altercation at a restaurant. I witnessed a mom,dad, and 3 teenage children at a dinner table. All were on their IPhones while chowing down. Everyone was looking down. No one was interacting. I thought this was sad and depressing. I long for the days when my (now 28 and 31 year old) daughters sat at the dinner table with me and their dad telling us all about the day. We discussed politics, work, school, and family. It was my most favorite time of the day! So, Getting back to the family at the restaurant, I realized I had absolutely no right to interfere, but I just couldn't help myself. I told the dad what a beautiful family he had. I told him how lucky he was to have them and how lucky they were to have two wonderful parents. AND, I told him what a shame it was, that noone was enjoying the moment. Although he agreed, his wife was extremely angry that I interfered. And she was correct-I had no right to say anything. But, I couldn't stop thinking about the sadness of the scene.
The next day my husband and I witnessed a grandfather and his grandson out for a sunday night dinner. The grandfather was playing on his IPhone while the grandson stared into space. Again, I thought there was so much they could be learning from one another, and so much joy they could be getting from this moment. Instead, silence ensued.
A third example I recently watched was a young teen coming into a salon for a pedicure. Shortly after she began to soak her feet, her mom came in and sat in the adjacent seat to also get a
pedicure. Immediately, they both took out their phones and began texting at breakneck speed. I never saw fingers move so fast. I was again profoundly sad viewing them. Here was a perfect moment where a mom and daughter could have interacted and discussed their day. Neither had any interest in doing that. How could this little phone have more importance than talking to your mom or your child or your grandchild?
I am about to become a grandma for the first time. I am about to celebrate my 35th Anniversary. I have a great husband and marriage. I have two amazing healthy parents. I am proud of my two fabulous daughters and son in laws. I love my siblings, nieces, and nephews. I WANT to be in the MOMENT. I want to experience all these fabulous people and all they have to offer. I ALWAYS look forward to spending time with them and learning from them. I can't imagine being more blessed and I am so thankful everyday.
True-many of my friends make fun of my technological incompetence! I actually cherish it! My phone is just my phone. A camera is just a camera. A book is just a book. Yes, I do text on occasion but because it is the only way I can get my daughters to respond quickly! Truthfully, technology often gets it wrong. Think about your phone. When you spell socks, it spells sex. Or you say Disney and it hears divorce. Or how many times does your GPS tell you to go the wrong way? And Siri isn't all that smart or nice! I am tired of automated answering machines when you are trying to get to your dr. or questioning a bill. Enough already. I don't want to hold for 30 minutes just to be told to leave a name and number for someone to return my call. Can't we just go back to people talking to one another face to face? To really listening to what someone is saying? If I see one more person walking down the street texting and not watching where they are walking, OR speaking into the air on their bluetooth and not making eye contact with another person on the street, on the bus, in the store, or on the train, I feel I will scream.
Please take the time to LIVE IN THE MOMENT. Believe me, there's nothing better out there than what you have in front of you this very second. Stop and Smell the roses......it is soooo worth it.
Wednesday, June 6, 2012
Howard Hughes without the money
I often refer to myself as Howard Hughes without the money. For that matter, I could also refer to myself as Howard Stern or as Howie Mandel without the money! Why? What do I have in common with them? All of these people are germaphobes. Actually, the technical term is mysophobe. I too, am a germaphobe/mysophobe. But, unlike Mr. Hughes, I don't lock myself in a room afraid to leave. Unlike Mr. Mandel, I will shake hands (not happily). Not everything wigs me out, but I will fill you in on what disturbs me most.
The Gym-I go to the gym everyday of the week. I wash down the equipment before I start
and always when I am through. Not everyone does this, and for me, this is an issue. When I
return home from the gym, the first thing I do is wash my hands.
Supermarket-wipe down the carriages. They are carriers of ecoli, and a variety of gruesome
germs. As soon as you leave the carriage and get into your car, use the antibacterial gel!
Hotels-I specifically get grossed out by the decorative quilt which I will remove immediately
from the bed. More importantly, I wipe down the remote control. I am told this item has more
germs than you can possibly imagine!
Menus-These, too, are very disconcerting. I can't do anything about the cleanliness of them
but I tend to use antibacterial gel after ordering and returning them to the host.
Sharing Food-yes, I totally admit I am very challenged in this area. Of course, I will share
with family members. If I am out with non family, I totally freak if someone goes to put their
fork twice in my entree or my dessert. Once is all you are allowed. Double dipping is not
permitted even with a fork or a spoon!
Airplanes-seatbelts should be wiped down before using. So should armrests and buttons for t.v.
I can't even contemplate what goes on with the headrests-ugh!
Restrooms-This is the most offensive of my list. First, there must be toilet seat covers.
Second, you shouldn't use the first few sections of the hanging toilet paper. Third, how to
flush? foot, or tissue, or hand? Fourth, how to open the door latch once you flush with hand?
Fifth,Wash hands for a long time with soap and hot water. Then, I must already have a paper
towel pulled out and under my arm so that I may turn off the spicket with the towel. Finally,
getting out the door-I use the paper towel to open the door. Hopefully there is a wastebasket
at the door to dispose of the paper towel. If not, I carry it to the garbage somewhere else. The
biggest dilemma is when there are no towels and only hand dryers. Actually,these are the least
sanitary option. They should be outlawed. No restaurant, movie theatre, airport, or public
restroom should allow them. If they exist, you will need to open the door handle using your
shirt, not with your sanitized hands!
People-yes people! If you need to sneeze or cough, please do so in the crux of your elbow. Do
Not cover your mouth with your hands. And when blowing your nose with a tissue, do not
discard in a wastebasket. Flush it down the toilet if possible!
So there you have it. No, I wasn't ill as a child. And,I didn't fall on my head. These idiosyncracies developed with having children and worrying about them getting sick. To this day, I still worry about them. So here is my final warning: When wearing flip flops or sandals while walking in the city, or taking the subway, etc., please wash off your feet with lots of soap/water when you arrive home. And most definitely, do not put your germy feet into your bed without cleaning them first!
The Gym-I go to the gym everyday of the week. I wash down the equipment before I start
and always when I am through. Not everyone does this, and for me, this is an issue. When I
return home from the gym, the first thing I do is wash my hands.
Supermarket-wipe down the carriages. They are carriers of ecoli, and a variety of gruesome
germs. As soon as you leave the carriage and get into your car, use the antibacterial gel!
Hotels-I specifically get grossed out by the decorative quilt which I will remove immediately
from the bed. More importantly, I wipe down the remote control. I am told this item has more
germs than you can possibly imagine!
Menus-These, too, are very disconcerting. I can't do anything about the cleanliness of them
but I tend to use antibacterial gel after ordering and returning them to the host.
Sharing Food-yes, I totally admit I am very challenged in this area. Of course, I will share
with family members. If I am out with non family, I totally freak if someone goes to put their
fork twice in my entree or my dessert. Once is all you are allowed. Double dipping is not
permitted even with a fork or a spoon!
Airplanes-seatbelts should be wiped down before using. So should armrests and buttons for t.v.
I can't even contemplate what goes on with the headrests-ugh!
Restrooms-This is the most offensive of my list. First, there must be toilet seat covers.
Second, you shouldn't use the first few sections of the hanging toilet paper. Third, how to
flush? foot, or tissue, or hand? Fourth, how to open the door latch once you flush with hand?
Fifth,Wash hands for a long time with soap and hot water. Then, I must already have a paper
towel pulled out and under my arm so that I may turn off the spicket with the towel. Finally,
getting out the door-I use the paper towel to open the door. Hopefully there is a wastebasket
at the door to dispose of the paper towel. If not, I carry it to the garbage somewhere else. The
biggest dilemma is when there are no towels and only hand dryers. Actually,these are the least
sanitary option. They should be outlawed. No restaurant, movie theatre, airport, or public
restroom should allow them. If they exist, you will need to open the door handle using your
shirt, not with your sanitized hands!
People-yes people! If you need to sneeze or cough, please do so in the crux of your elbow. Do
Not cover your mouth with your hands. And when blowing your nose with a tissue, do not
discard in a wastebasket. Flush it down the toilet if possible!
So there you have it. No, I wasn't ill as a child. And,I didn't fall on my head. These idiosyncracies developed with having children and worrying about them getting sick. To this day, I still worry about them. So here is my final warning: When wearing flip flops or sandals while walking in the city, or taking the subway, etc., please wash off your feet with lots of soap/water when you arrive home. And most definitely, do not put your germy feet into your bed without cleaning them first!
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