WHAT MAKES YOU FEEL GOOD?

Here we are-it's my FAVORITE season! We finally get to wear our sweaters, boots, cashmere scarves, and leather jackets. The leaves are changing. The air is crisp. The moon is magnificent. Van Morrison is playing non-stop on the radio. Halloween is coming. Autumn is what makes ME feel good. Good riddance to Summer. Yesterday, while visiting with my 94 year old mom, she complemented me on the jeans I was wearing. I laughed, and told her I own about 50 pairs of jeans. She asked, "why so many jeans?" I told her that I am ALWAYS in search of the "perfect" pair of jeans. Sometimes you want ankle length. Sometimes you want a boot cut. You might want a wide leg, a baggy boyfriend jean, or a tight skinny jean. There are so many options and then to decide on dark denim, faded denim,or indigo denim? Ripped or frayed? Or no holes at all? At 66, I should never be opting for ripped jeans but summer heat often leads me there. These are the big decisions in life! Truthfully, I can't remember the last time I "dressed up". After hybernating during Covid and not frequenting nice restaurants for 18 months, there was never a reason to get fancy. I don't buy designer jeans because my body type works best with junior labels or Levi's, which are my fav. So when getting ready to go out, my first principle rule is to figure out WHICH jean will work with WHICH shoe. For example, if I want to wear a suede heel, I prefer an ankle jean. If it's a knee high boot, I need a skinny tight jean, etc. Next, the piece that I eternally search for is that fabulous white shirt. I have so many, but none that I love! Should I choose the cotton, lace, silk, satin, oversized, fitted, collar or no collar? So, once you have decided on the jean and the suede kitten heel sling back or a leather boot; just add the white shirt, a great necklace, some cool earrings and a bold bracelet. Wallah-You are ready to face the world...This outfit will take you anywhere you want....Well almost! I guess we still need to dress for those occasional black tie affairs. But luckily, they are few and far between these days. Below are my new picks for this season: both makeup and clothes....Nothing I mention is insanely priced. Everything is super affordable. Enjoy! FOR THE FEET Stuart Weitzman Keelan suede knee high boots. Comes in four colors. The light creme is very pretty. (from $299-$499). Mia Cora suede leather bootie. I love that clunky rubber bottoms are in! I'm a clutz, have knarled toes, horrendous feet and need a "big" wide shoe to keep me comfortable. The beige suede is very cool. (Only $49.99!). Prada suede scallop pointed pump-This is very simple and classic. It will never go out of style. ($750). J.Crew Colette slingback pump in suede. Comes in taupe or black or hot pink. Super cute. ($238). Aquazurra St Honoree leather zip boot-Another great clunky combat boot that comes in beige or black. ($795.00). M.Gemi-Hurray! Clogs are back! Perfect for the hippy in me and for my feet that don't do well in confinement! The "Greta" clog is the way to go. Comes in three colors. ($268.00-$275.00). FOR THE NECK Bloomingdales-They have the greatest cashmere travel wrap. It comes in 11 colors and is awesome! It makes a great gift and is perfect for the plane or an air conditioned restaurant. Love. ($198). Burberry-If you want to go for the big bucks, Burberry makes a reversible Icon Stripe wool cape in Navy that is very pretty. More like a coat than a scarf. Keeps you very warm- it's like a blanket! ($960). ARM CANDY Christian Louboutin-I love so many of his handbags! The Large Cabarock Loubinthesky perforated leather tote is so pretty. The brown and red is awesome. ($1,590). Christian Louboutin Cabata Leather Spike Mini Tote or Large Tote-Simple and elegant and the straps fit on the shoulder. ($850-$1290) Christian Louboutin Foldover embellished clutch-calfskin clutch bag with mixed studs. Brown is super pretty. Perfect for a Saturday night out with your beau. ($1450). Gabriela Hearst knot hobo bag. Two colors: black or cognac. I wish it had a zipper, but it's lightweight and stunning. $(1990.00). COATS Orolay-Of course, this is the coat that went viral on Amazon. It literally is the warmest coat I own. So many pockets! You don't even need a purse! Comes in a variety of colors. It isn't the most flattering coat, but it sure is the coziest. ($159.99). Bernardo-I'm just not a fan of real fur anymore. It's become too cumbersome, too heavy and just not easy for me to wear. This year I happen to like Bernardo's unreal beaver fur jacket. . It's pretty and lightweight, yet warm. Comes in slate blue or grey. (Only $119.00-a bargain). Apparis-They make a cute "Goldie" coat in Latte. It's hip length and hooded. Looks great with jeans. ($250.00). FOR THE EYES Ryan Simkhai- VELVET READERS! I kid you not. This is my all time FAVORITE item for the fall and winter! They are really the greatest looking readers I have seen! This is how I prefer to wear velvet. "Cayley" comes in black, cobalt blue, burgandy, and purple velvet. A must have accessory! ($34.00). FOR THE FACE AND BODY OIL OF OLAY COMPLETE-My all time best moisturizer. It has a great scent and has an spf of 15. Begin your day with this. End your day with this. I use the "normal" with UV365. ($6.99). PACIFICA BABY SERUM BOOSTER GLOW DROPS-mix a drop of this into the OIL OF OLAY moisturizer and apply to your face. It gives you a dewy fresh look. ($16.00). ELF GREEN HYDRATING PRIMER-If you do use a primer before your foundation, this is my favorite. It glides on easily and makeup always looks great. ($7.00). WET AND WILD EYELINER-try either their pencil or their felt tip eyeliner. Each one is great. I use black. ($4.00-$4.77). ALMAY EYELINER Pen-they make a proline felt tip with a small ball at the end. Easy application of a straight line and hypo allergenic. ($8.49). FLOWER GEL CRUSH-Drew Barrymore's line. Now available in CVS. Doubles as blush and lip color. Comes in 3 colors. ($6.99). KYLIE-I hate to admit it but this Kardashian makes a nice lip liner and lipstick! I use the color "sweater weather". Available at Ulta. ($12.00 and 17.00). MAYBELLINE-Lash waterproof Discovery is my favorite "go to" mascara. Easy to use. The small skinny wand is the bomb. Hypoallergenic. ($6.54). Garnier Micellar Cleansing Water All-in-1-This is the greatest product ever! Not only does it cleanse, but it also removes every last drop of makeup and refreshes. No oil, No sulfates, no fragrances. No rinsing is needed. ($8.99) Vaseline Intensive Care Radiant Spray Moisturizer-Comes in Cocoa Radiant, Aloe, or Plain. It works great after the shower. Not oily and very hydrating for every inch of your body. ($8.99). By now, you have noticed that none of the makeup I use is high end. Believe me, I have tried La Mer, Chanel, Yves St.Laurent, Armani, and Jurlique. I have bottles upon bottles. Trust me when I tell you that drugstore brands are just as fabulous, and often far better. Give them a try and see what you think. Now you have applied your make up; wriggled into an awesome pair of jeans, put on that beautiful shoe or boot, buttoned up your tailored white shirt and wrapped yourself in that gorgeous cashmere scarf. You are ready to get out and enjoy all those fall days and evenings. I hope you love October as much as I do! Enjoy this weather while you can because before you know it, we'll be dealing with the cold winter (which truth be told, I also enjoy!) HAPPY 3RD BIRTHDAY TO MY SWEET BOY, WILLIAM! HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO MY BROTHER FROM ANOTHER MOTHER, STEVE! HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO MY YOUNGEST, LEXI! HAPPY COLUMBUS DAY! HAPPY HALLOWEEN! PEACE OUT-ONE B

Emmy's 2021

Last night we finally returned to the glamour of award shows and the red carpet. Of course, my favorite part is before the actual awards are presented! I love the red carpet. Specifically, I love the fashion, the facial work, and most important, The Jewels! Okay-let's review. BEST DRESSED 1)Yara Shahidi-her lime Dior gown was off the charts! That fitted waist and off the shoulder were sensational. The gown was altered perfectly to her body. Loved Loved Loved! We'll get to her jewels later. 2)Michaela Jae Rodriquez-She was passed over for best actress, but wow was she a major winner in the dress category. She donned a turquoise vintage Versace gown that was magnificent. I wished she did a little more with her hair, but I thought she looked great. 3)Anya Taylor-Joy-Dressed in a yellow Dior Haute Couture gown, with a dramatic train; she looked stunning. Her hairstyle was perfect glam, highlighting the backless dress and the glittering Tiffany jewels cascading down her back added drama. This is not a gown that would normally appeal to me, but she carried it off. 4)Jennifer Coolidge-I thought she picked the perfect dress for her physique. She looked elegant in the navy Christian Siriano. Her sexy wavy blond hair complemented the look. 5)Rita Wilson-Although no one is really talking about her Tom Ford outfit, (because they are too busy talking about her rapping), I thought she looked cool and chic. Her haircolor was beautiful, and we'll discuss her face a bit later. WORST DRESSED 1)Traceee Ellis Ross-Hated everything about this look. She wore a red sequined Valentino Haute Couture- Normally, a fashion icon, this dress was the wrong choice and did absolutely nothing for her. I didn't like her hair and makeup. Nothing about this look worked. 2)Emma Corin-Adorned in a Pilgrim costume by Miu Miu, she looked appropriate for a Thanksgiving dinner. What was she thinking? Turkey dinner? 3)Cynthia Erivo-The blue and green feathered hem looked like the noodles you go through in a car wash. Her stylist generally nails it, but this was a clear miss. Louis Vuitton customed this white leather dress for her. The fit on top was too loose and the feathers made no sense. Ugly. 4)Kathryn Hahn-She was wearing a Lanvin strapless jumpsuit. I thought the belt was too overpowering. I didn't like her messy relaxed hair, but I did love that emerald and diamond necklace! 5)Taraji P. Hensen-Her black, shimmery low cut Elie Saab dress showed too much cleavage and looked cheesy. Very Las Vegas! 6)Sarah Paulson-I detested this Carolina Herrera red gown on Sara. Those balloon sleeves were too overpowering. Actually, so was the entire dress. Yuck! 7)Angela Basset-She looked like she was wearing a large pink ruffled question mark pasted to a black dress! But stay tuned-I have more to say about Angela. 8)Amy Poehler-By far, the worst dressed at the Emmy's. She wore a sparkling Galvan London dress and a crazy black belted Bella Freud jacket. She actually looked like she went to her dead aunt's closet blind folded and took clothes made for someone else of a different age and size. Horrid! BEST EARRINGS 1)Sudi Green-a writer on SNL, she wore stunning enormous emerald earrings. I don't know the designer but they looked awesome. 2)Cecily Strong-another SNL cast member, that accessorized her black gown and flowing hair with long dangling Gismondi diamond earrings. 3)Yara Shahidi- Awesome 18K Gold and diamond Cartier earrings that set off that gorgeous dress. I'll get back to her again 4)Angela Bassett-$120,000 Gismondi 18K white gold and ruby earrings. Very pretty and I'm not even a fan of rubies. 5)Issa Rae-I thought she looked fabulous. Loved that mesh gown, her shoes, and most of all those earrings. They were designed by Fernando Jorge and were made of 18k yellow gold and diamonds (cost-$60,000). Interesting contrast against that silver mesh gown. BEST NECKLACES 1) Billy Porter-He wore a magnificent statement necklace by Lorraine Schwartz. I'm not sure where else you would actually wear this piece in the real world. 2) Kathryn Hahn-I mentioned that beautiful emerald and diamond necklace above. Whe was wearing a Briony Raymond Estate jewel. 44 carats of Emeralds and 43 carats of diamonds. Very pretty. 3) YARI SHAHIDI-*****favorite piece of all. The Cartier Cactus inspired necklace. The yellow gold diamond and emerald collar was to die for! Couldn't take my eyes off of her. Be still my heart... 4) Catherine Zeta Jones-Although she looked lovely in Lorraine Schwartz diamonds, I find her look very ho-hum boring. She gets it all right, and is gorgeous, but nothing wows me. BEST FACIAL WORK 1)Angela Bassett-She doesn't admit to a face lift, however I watch 911. If you view her last year and then last night, she did not JUST have botox or ultherapy. This woman is 63, and looks like she did when she starred in How Stella Got her Groove Back in 1998 when she was 45! That skin, that body, those arms-sheer perfection! 2)Rita Wilson-at 64, this woman looks better than ever. She definitely has been tweaked! Impressive plastic surgery. 3)Catherine Zeta Jones-despite the fact, that she denies plastic surgery-it seems impossible that she remains ageless without the help of a plastic surgeon. Whatever she does and whomever she uses, she looks simply gorgeous. AWARD SUMMARY Watch the following if you haven't: Ted Lasso The Crown Queen's Gambit Mare of Easton Hacks Hamilton Movie Halston Fall shows begin tonight! So, You can check out Angela Bassett for yourselves in 911! This week New Amsterdam is back, Queen Sugar is on episode 3, American Rust (SHO)is on episode 2, The Resident returns, Chicago Med, Chicago Fire, and Chicago PD also return, and Scenes from a Marriage is worth a look on HBO. Welcome Fall-my favorite time of year! Peace Out-One B

The Intimacies of a Marriage

Recently, I was watching a show on Hulu called The Split. The main character, a prominent female attorney was describing her marriage (to her lover). I was intriqued by the character's analysis of her marriage. My husband, a Trust and Estate lawyer, often deals with NDA's, pre-nups and post-nups, contracts,and various structuring of assets. So, I am slightly familiar with these terms. An NDA or non disclosure agreement is often known as a confidentiality agreement. It's an important legal framework used to protect sensitive and confidential information from being made public by the recipient(s). In other words, it keeps a lid on very sensitive information. Anyway, I began to think that although most of us do not have written NDA's, or pre-nups or specific written contracts with our spouses,we all have unsaid, unwritten, and inferred parameters and specific "jobs" within our relationships. The character in this show believed that you have NDA's which you have "mentally signed on the dotted line." At no point in the marriage can either partner divulge their intricacies. When you marry, you essentially make a promise that "all the worst bits of yourself", even ones that are not okay, are between the two of you. You have found someone who "will live with them; will live around them; and who won't taunt you with them!" You each tell yourselves that these little quirks are what endear you to one another. They are what make you love each other. But, in reality, these may be the things that ultimately drive you nuts day after day. Leaving dirty clothes on the floor, using your tweezers to pluck an eyebrow or nose hair, leaving four grapes in the refrigerator after eating the whole bowl, never turning off the lights, or denying you said something vengeful after a night of drinking.... Ultimately, you may carry these tiny intimacies around like weapons and that can be dangerous. Let your partner know these things bother you before one of you explodes. Forty four years later and truly, my only complaint is those four grapes left in the fridge. He is perfect in every way! As far as the unwritten contract of who does what in a marriage, it usually just evolves as time goes on. Whether you both work or not, the roles become clear, especially, once children come into the picture. In my case, I am the decorator, the travel agent, the scheduler of social dates and restaurant reservations, the grocery shopper the cook, the baker, the housekeeper, the gift buyer, the holiday planner, and the bill payer. My husband is the salary provider, the dishwasher, the garbage and recycle guy, the one who buys the beverages(they're too heavy for me to schlep), and the one who goes to the ATM. Parental duties were always split 50/50, and anything to do with our grandchildren-we're both in 100%! Every marriage is different. Many of my friends have their husbands do the shopping and cooking, the bill paying, and the social dates. Whatever works is the key. It organically evolves and the goal should be that you appreciate all that your partner does, and that neither of you resent what your "jobs" are. Early in my marriage, I asked my husband to take over the bill paying. About a month later, fearing that my phone and lights would be shut off, I promptly took that job back! I recently read that a good marriage is one where each partner secretly suspects they got the better deal. I, for sure, know I got the better deal! "Marriage is a thousand little things...It's giving up the right to be right in the heat of an argument. It's forgiving another when they let you down. It's loving someone enough to step down so they can shine. It's FRIENDSHIP. It's being a cheerleader and a trusted confidant. It's a place of forgiveness that welcomes one home, and arms they can run to in the midst of a storm." (Darlene Schact) BIRTHDAY HUGS TO: L.K., M.J., D.S.C. PEACE OUT-ONE B

THERE'S NO VACCINE FOR STUPID (OR ANIMAL HOUSE 2021)

Remember when we associated the terms Delta, Epsilon, and Lambda with sororities and fraternities? Those were the good old days, not so long ago. Now we associate those words with mutant variants of the Covid Virus. The Delta variant is spreading: 89,977 cases is the current 7-day average, which is an increase of 30% over July, 2020. This virus is still causing death in mostly unvaccinated people. Sororities and fraternities can often be breeding grounds for ignorance, racial exclusion, classism, and silly/stupid behavior. College students are young and often make mistakes, so their behavior is somewhat excusable. But,now too, the people of the United States are mimicking the unacceptable behaviors of frat boys! Just like the frat parties that hold large gatherings and create widespread outbreaks of illness, Sturgis, South Dakota decided to have a motorcycle gathering this past weekend. These attendees are exhibiting willfull ignorance that affects negatively on the surrounding communities. It will, for certain, be a super spreader event. Yes, I know it is held outside. That is not where the problem lies. It's when the people get off their motorcycles and go into their hotel lobbies, eat indoors at a restaurant, and drink at the bars. This is how the spreading occurs. Journalist Donnie Johnson says: "American ingenuity could defeat Covid 19 but American ignorance won't let it. This virus has killed over a half million of our citizens, and left others with lifelong health issues. Yet, we have to pay or bribe people to protect themselves. Free drinks, $100 vouchers, etc. are the reward for getting the shot. Shouldn't not dying be the reward for you and your children? Why do we have to bribe a society to do what they should be doing anyway? Countries around the world are literally begging for this shot. Yet, we are turning it down, and actually throwing away unused doses. This is stupidity at its highest form-playing Russian Roulette with your life. Think of all the insane things you have done or put into your body when you were young! Pot, speed, LSD, shrooms, queludes and alcohol.... Now, this is where you draw the line-with a life-saving vaccine? Thanks to Trump and his team, three safe and effective vaccines were produced at record speed. Why isn't this man standing up in front of the world and taking credit for it? Why isn't he telling his constituency this vaccine is safe and everyone needs it? Why aren't his Republican senators and congressman doing the same? The Trump Republicans in Louisanna, Missouri, Nevada, Arkansas and Florida need to be convinced. The infections are soaring in those states. People on their deathbeds are lamenting their poor decisions-TOO LATE. Science doesn't lie. 70% of Americans who took the vaccine did not turn into monsters. They are not sterile. Our DNA has remained the same. Healthy Babies were born and Pregnant woman didn't die. And NOT ONE REPUBLICAN TURNED INTO A DEMOCRAT. We were almost near the end of this; we started putting away our masks; we were leaving our homes, going back to restaurants and our offices. We were resumming LIFE. Are we so stubborn and selfish that acting like entitled spoiled brats is acceptable? Why should unvaccinated people be allowed take down those who don't agree with their "herd immunity" theories? Putting yourself at risk is one thing. Hoasting that view on others is selfish, mean spirited, and plain ignorant. You are putting your own children, grandchildren, and neighbors at risk. WHETHER YOU ARE A DEMOCRAT OR A REPUBLICAN, NOBODY HAS THE RIGHT TO INFECT OTHERS WITH A DEADLY DISEASE! The goals of sorority and fraternity life should be the same as the larger society. We should teach the world how friendship and brotherhood enhances collabrative work and a sense of community. We should be good neighbors and friends. We should exhibit kindness and caring. This denial of scientific facts is resulting in physical and emotional trauma, not to mention death. The lies and misinformation must stop. Somehow we must create avenues for unity. Thomas Jefferson says, "Love your neighbor as yourself and your country MORE than yourself." If unvaccinated people profess to love their country and truly meant that-they would get vaccinated and save the lives of fellow Americans. Until then-All of the unvaccinated are on "Double Secret Probation-Actually Not So Secret." (Animal House) We'll be Watching.... PEACE OUT-ONE B

Just When You Thought You Could Take A Breath....

So, here we all are! Vaccinated and Unmasked! Hugging and Kissing after so many months-Geez, doesn't it feel great! It no longer matters where we eat-inside; outside; with 10 people, or right next to ten tables....It's all so good. Truly, it's Heaven! But Wait!!! Those of us who were just beginning to feel safe and confident are masking up again. I had to dig my clorox wipes and masks out of the cabinet. I'm making sure I have lots of hand sanitizer in my purse and in the car! I haven't stocked up on toilet paper yet. And, I'm gearing up for a possible lockdown, or at the very least, a new set of CDC recommendations. So just in case you find yourself staying in a bit more after the summer, I have a huge list of what to watch on the television. Don't ask how I watch so much t.v.! You all know I only sleep 3 hours a night! WHAT I'M WATCHING NOW The End-Showtime. Dark comedy about a six months-widowed Woman who attempts to take her own life. This is so well acted and I am hooked. The Unforgotten-PBS Masterpiece/Prime Video. Two detectives trying to solve a murder that happened 39 years ago. This is the 4th season, but I never watched the previous 3 seasons, and it doesn't matter. Really like it! Catch and Kill-HBO. Documentary by Ronan Farrow that interviews whistleblowers and journaliststalking about the Harvey Weinstein debacle. Very interesting. My Unorthodox Life-Netflix. The story of Julia Haart who is now the CEO pf Elite World Group and was a former housewife in an ultra-Orthodox community in Monsey, N.Y. Gave me better insight into the Orthodox way of life, and why someone felt trapped and her need to leave and start a new life. The White Lotus-HBO. The adventures of the guests and employees of a tropical resort. So much fun! Made For Love-HBO Max. Dark comedy about a woman married to a tech billionaire whom she hates, and he has implanted a device to track her locations and her emotions. Annoying... Dr. Death-Peacock. Based on a podcast about a prominent doctor in Texas whose patients do not survive his surgeries or they are permantly disabled. I can barely get through 10 minutes! I am terrified of spine surgeries now, or for that matter, any surgeries. VERY VERY SCARY. Alec Baldwin and Christian Slater. Animal Kingdom-TNT. I have watched the previous 4 seasons. Without the gangster matriarch, Ellen Barkin (who was killed last season); her 3 sons and grandson aren't keeping me interested. Don't Bother. Kevin Can F**K Himself-AMC+ or You Tube. Annie Murphy from Schitt's Creek is married to an insensitive buffoon and she is struggling to figure out her life in Worcester, Mass. She is terrific. Watch. Godfather of Harlem-Epix or Amazon Prime. Forest Whitaker is fabulous as Bumpy Johnson. He has served his time in Alcatraz, and returns to Harlem to take back control. This is the second season. Excellent. This Way Up-Hulu. Comedy about a woman recovering from a nervous breakdown with the help and support of her sister. Covers the themes of lonliness, family, and mental health in a brilliant way. Like this! WHAT TO WATCH NEXT: THE NEXT BINGE Seaside Hotel-PBS Masterpiece/Amazon. Resort on the North Sea follows the regulars returning each summer and the staff. Watched 2 episodes and really enjoyed. The Vigil-Prime Video. Sounds intriquing. Orthodox Man is called to watch over a deceased member of his former community. Test Pattern-Hulu. A woman's relationship with her boyfriend is put to the test after she is raped by an assailant. Ebert website gives it a thumbs up. Seems like it would be difficult to watch. McCartney 3-2-1-Hulu. Intimate one on one interview between music producer Rick Rubin and Paul Mccartney. Six episodes. I hear this is absolutely amazing. Lisey's Story-Apple TV+. Based on a Stephen King novel, this is the story of the widow of a best selling novelist. While going through her husbands manscripts and papers, she discovers dark secrets. It's Stephen King-it's got to be petrifying. Julianne Moore, Clive Owen, Jennifer Jason Leigh, and Joan Allen. Mr. Inbetween-Hulu. Comedy about a man juggling family responsibilities and being a "criminal for hire". This is the 3rd season. So, there will definitely be a few weeks of binging. Summer of Soul-Hulu. Questlove directs this documentary about the Harlem Cultural Festival of 1969. I've seen a little of this and it looks cool! Foyle's War-Acorn/Prime Video. This was highly recommended to me but it's six seasons. Might have to wait until a snowstorm. Big investment of time. British detective drama set during the second world war. Lupin-Netflix. Story of a famous thief and master of disguise. Two Seasons. RECENTLY FINISHED WATCHING Shiva Baby-HBO MAX. Movie about a bisexual Jewish woman who attends a shiva with her parents and encounters an ex-girlfriend and an ex-boyfriend at the shiva. Cute, a good distraction, and not a big investment of time. Us-PBS. Only two episodes. A combination of a travelogue and a family drama about a couple who takes one last vacation before getting divorced. LOVED. Younger-Hulu. One of my favorite shows! Just finished season 8 and there will not be any more seasons. A 40 year old woman pretends to be 26 in order to land her dream job. Sutton Foster, Hillary Duff and Peter Hermann(I have a crush!). So sad it's over. Cruel Summer-Freeform. 10 episodes. A teen drama. Takes place over 3 years in the 90's about a girl who goes missing and another girl takes over her life. Totally held my attention-an easy binge. Love Victor-Hulu. Another teen drama. Struggling with his sexual identity and his new high school, we follow an endearing Victor figure it out. Very good. Sex/Love-Netflix. Terrible, but steamy drama filled with tons of sex. About a suburban housewife wishing she could go back to her carefree days as a party girl in NYC. Meanwhile, her husband is so cute. And he's right there! Soft porn. Who Killed Sara?-Netflix. A murder mystery that has lots of twists and keeps you guessing. Just okay. Dirty John/Betty-Netflix. The story of Betty Broderick. Is it possible to really know the person you love most? Scorned housewife left by her husband. Amanda Peet is fabulous. Fun to watch. Handmaid's Tale-Hulu. An amazing series based on Margaret Atwood's book. This is about a totalitarian society in what used to be a part of the United States. Elizabeth Moss is beyond outstanding in this series. This is something that I had no desire to watch and ultimately, I found it to be mesmerizing. COMING SOON... Succession-HBO. Season 3 in Autumn 2021. Scenes From A Marriage-HBO. Jessica Chastain, Michelle Williams, and Oscar Isaac. September. Yellowstone-Paramount. Season 4 in November. One of the best shows on t.v. Kevin Costner! Respect-Film coming August 13 in theaters. Jennifer Hudson stars as Arethra. WHAT TO LISTEN TO WHEN YOU ARE WALKING Smartless Podcast-every interview is fun, but Stephen Cobert and Conan O'Brien were hysterical. Enjoy these summer months. Stay outdoors as much as you can. Go swimming or running. Go to the gym. Go to restaurants. Take a vacation. Visit your relatives that you haven't seen in 15 months! Socialize with friends. Now is the time-enjoy every moment. BUT, still mask up when you go into stores. Wash your hands often. Be safe. Protect our children and grandchildren. PEACE OUT-ONE B

CAREGIVER SYNDROME: WHEN YOUR PARENT BECOMES YOUR CHILD

Caregiving and needing care will happen to all of us. One day a parent will need our help just as we once needed theirs. Noone told us that having children will drastically change our lives; just as noone warned me that caregiving would often be hard and thankless work. Initially, it begins with small things: requests for groceries, picking up prescriptions from the pharmacy, an occasional doctor's appointment. No problem. But, as your parent physically declines, their situations and care needs change daily. Now you are dealing with hygiene issues, memory issues, administering medications, and a host of other things such as nutrition, proper hydration, exercise, etc. For me, eventhough my mom is in an assisted living facility, I feel overwhelmed and stressed all the time. I am emotionally and physically drained and close to burnout. Not always, but often it's the daughters who bear the brunt of responsibility when caring for aging parents. I know all the advice that is given to alleviate my stress: Set boundaries, accept my limitations, stay active, meditate, find a balance between your kids, your work, your friends, and your grandchildren. And self care. "Caregiver syndrome" strongly manifests as exhaustion, insomnia, anger, rage, resentment, guilt, and anxiety when dealing with a chronically ill parent. In the past year, I have had thryroiditis, various bouts with chalazions which led to surgery,a pinched nerve in my neck, high blood pressure, and a blip on my ekg which led (thankfully) to 2 normal stress tests. I recently read that there is a 63% higher risk of mortality in caregivers than non-caregivers of the same age. My mother is 94 and she may very well outlive me! My immune system has surely declined since my mom moved here! Yet my 94 year old mom who is in heart failure is doing fine, except for her daily falls! Brothers and Sisters offer some relief, but generally they are best at giving you support and advice while running in the other direction. They do not talk to the doctors for hours on end. They do not get the phone calls in the middle of the night when mom has fallen. They do not oversee that all medications are being ordered by hospice. They do not visit on any regular basis. They do not pay bills. As a result, I have given up time with my husband, my children and my grandchildren and declined social activities with friends in favor of time spent on caregiving activites. And, when I finally do have a little free time, I'm too emotionally drained to do anything or see anyone. I just want a bed and Netflix. It's not any easier for the aging parent either. They feel a loss of independence and rightfully struggle to maintain some sense of control. Parents rebel and do not want to be told what to do. This fosters anger and resentment towards the caregiver. This past year of Covid bred isolation which in turn resulted in lonliness, depression, and more health decline for the aged. It's a difficult dilemma for both the parent and the child who is the caregiver. I feel I have an ethical responsibility to make sure my loved ones are safe, secure, and getting the attention they need. We have a duty to help loved ones as they age, but there are limits. I must learn to set limits and accept my limitations. Because at times, I feel I just can't continue on this path. I am blessed to have had my dad here for 95 years, and I am blessed to still have my mom here at 94 years. Hopefully, I will continue to keep her well, and at the same time find the road to my sanity! "How far you go in life depends on your being tender with the young, compassionate with the aged, sympathetic with the striving and tolerant of the weak and strong. Because someday in life you will have been all of these." George Washington Carver PEACE OUT-HAPPY 4TH! ONE B

Love and Marriage

This week my husband and I will be celebrating our 44th Anniversary. Over the years, We have overcome significant obstacles and faced many challenges. I have had lots of time to reflect on what contributes to enduring love and a lasting marriage. My husband and I couldn't be more different. I think I am outgoing, independent, extremely organized and anal, and more often than not, contemplating(or worrying about)the next task or obligation. He appears to be more cerebral, quieter, reserved but friendly, organized but "seemeingly" relaxed (it's a facade!) and always goes with the flow focusing only on the present. He has the ability to compartmentalize issues. I cannot. I take everything in and worry about it all at once. But, when I am upset or scared about something (my kids, illness, parents) he literally holds me up. And, when he is having a moment and losing it and about to freak out, I am suddenly his reasonable, calming, and supportive force. Leo Tolstoy said, "What counts in making a happy marriage is not so much how compatible you are but how you deal with incompatibility." Do we argue? Yes! Do we make up easily? No! Love doesn't mean you will always agree or never have an argument. It means that despite the bad days you still can't see yourself without that person. My advice to couples is think before you speak. The most important take away is this: Do not try and win the argument. Don't try to defend your actions or words. Don't try to give an explanation as to why you did this or that, OR why you didn't. LISTEN to your spouse when they are expressing an issue. Whether you believe it to be valid or not, DOES NOT MATTER. This is the most important advice I can give after 44 years: Empathize with the feelings that your spouse is communicating. Sympathize. Apologize without a "but I" or a defensive response. Know it wasn't easy to express or emote these feelings to your spouse. And know that these feelings are very real to her/him. Now, it is the time to do better. Be better. Period. Remember that you cannot recover words after they are said or recover the time after its gone. Once you respond with that horrible insult, it is ALWAYS there. Lyndon Johnson said, "Only two things are necessary to keep one's spouse happy. One is to let them think they are having their own way-the other is to let them have it!" For me the definition of what defines a good Marriage is continued Courtship, Mutual Respect, a healthy dose of Admiration, Love, Trust, Friendship, Sacrifice, and Acceptance. In a marriage, "the independence of a wife and husband should be equal; their dependence mutual, and their obligations reciprocal." I have to admit that I love my alone time,and I cherish our together time. The pandemic presented major challenges since we were with each other 24 hours a day. But we established a routine early on and it was a absolutely fine after the first week! So, never stop holding hands, buying each other little gifts, having date nights, telling your spouse how proud of them you are. And, know that you can tell them anything and it will remain just between the two of you. Foot massages, roses, date nights, and love letters work too.. Jud, "when I saw you I fell in love, and you smiled because you knew." Arrigo Boito "In all the world there is no heart for me like yours. In all the world there is no love for you like mine." Maya Angelou HAPPY 44TH! ONE B