HOW TO MANAGE FAMILY DYNAMICS STRESS FREE DURING THE HOLIDAYS

Thanksgiving has always been my favorite holiday. I hosted this holiday for 45 years and gave it my all every year. There was nothing more fun than getting my family together and celebrating how much we all have to be grateful for. As the years went on, a move from a home to a condo occured. We downsized. As my home grew smaller, my family grew larger. My daughters brought boyfriends, who eventually become husbands. They went on to have children and each year the day brought more happiness and new cherished attendees(my grandchildren)to our holiday table. I then decided to also host the next day to accommodate siblings, in-laws, college friends, nieces, nephews and may others. Two years ago, somewhat regretfully, slightly reluctantly, and somewhat relieved, I decided to turn over my hosting duties to my most capable daughters. I could no longer accommodate the quantity of people or do the quantity of work that it entailed. I still make 14 desserts and several sides so I haven't given up my role entirely-after all, what would Thanksgiving be without Gramercy Tavern Brownies, Three day rockin' rice pudding, and Emeril's chocolate bread pudding with fresh schlag? Inevitably, even families who have strong and loving relationships can hit snags at this time of year. The younger group (my daughters/their husbands) have lots to do: In addition to work and kids schedules, they now have also taken over the planning, shopping, cooking, and hosting. And the older generation must let go of the many roles we used to take on at the holidays. Now, being on the sidelines, personally, I feel a bit removed and a little sad. Maybe even invisible? In addition, many of our loved ones are now missing- In my case, my sister and her husband live in South Carolina, my parents, my husband's parents, and my brother-in-law have all passed. It's somewhat bittersweet. Your loved ones who are present need to understand, recognize, and empathize the difficult emotions the older generation might be experiencing. On the plus side, this year for the first time, I have my sister-in- law, brother-in-law and their children(whom I adore)! That makes me ecstatic! Yet, regardless of how much we all love one another, tensions do arise and expectations might not be met, and some eye rolling might occur! If someone pisses you off, don't respond right away-take a pause. Learn to disagree in a more agreeable way. Maybe ask the person why they made that comment and try to understand rather than be confrontational. Respect one another-let's veer away from politics for one evening, and keep your phones out of sight for the night. It's a lot of work to put this day together. Show your appreciation. In my personal experience, over the years, many of my loved ones find it entertaining to jest with me thinking that it's funny and I can handle it. So full disclosure, I can't. In that moment of jest, I actually feel disrepected and unloved. Instead, families should try to focus on the positives. Be thankful for the multitude of blessings we have right in front of us. Express gratitude and thanks to your family and friends for their support. Thus,the name, THANKSGIVING. With the upcoming holidays of Thanksgiving, Chanukah, Christmas, and the New Year, try and remember to do the following: BE KIND; BE GENTLE; BE RESPECTFUL; BE PATIENT; AND BE PRESENT. And, hopefully, you will have a stress free holiday season! PEACE OUT: ONE B