What's Your Pet Peeve

It's been a while since I've written. A foot sprain, some travel, PT for tennis elbow (I don't even play tennis!) and generally, life just keeping me busy. But, I've thought a lot lately about things that irk me. I'm sure you're not shocked to know I have many pet peeves! What exactly is the definition of a Pet Peeve? The dictionary defines a pet peeve as "something that a person finds especially annoying." After dealing with Doctors' offices, Insurance claims, travel in airports and 5 star hotels, buying a new phone-there are so many issues to discuss that irritate me. So here is my current list-Who knows? Tomorrow I might have ten more to complain about! 1) People picking their nose-ESPECIALLY in the car! Do they realize we can see through their windows? 2) Peeing on the toilet seat and not cleaning up after yourself. This goes for both women and men. 3) Not putting the toilet seat down after you pee. This is especially vexing in an airplane, a restaurant, and in hospital restrooms! Every man should be courteous in their own home as well. Totally unacceptable to not place the seat down after urinating. 4) Using your phone during a meal when your socializing with others. No reading, No texting, No calling! (Ok to google a unanimous question though!) I find it so rude when friends/family are paying more attention to their phone than to the company at the table. Shameful. 5) When calling your health insurance company to find out a benefit, a billing charge, or just ask a question-and getting 3 completely different answers to your question. AND, getting people in different countries, or who are working from home with dogs barking in the background. So Frustrating. 6) Calling your doctor's office and getting a call center who won't give you an appointment for 3-6 months. I want to talk directly to my doctor's office. There MUST be a number to push to be connected directly to the office. 7) Calling Customer Service and not getting a Human! Instead, there are prompts to go to a website or write an email complaint. Totally unacceptable. What is the point of having a customer service number if no one answers your call? 8) Going to a 5 star restaurant or hotel and they act like they're doing you a favor by helping you or letting you be there. 9) Loud chewers 10) Close talkers-don't get in my face! 11) Interrupters 12) Slow drivers in the left lane 13) Talking during the movies; having your phone out and lit up in the movies; texting during the movies. 14) Car Salesmen-Especially those who don't think a woman is capable of making a deal. And, not giving the best price right up front. If you want to make a deal with me, give me the best price first. Otherwise, I'm out of there and on to the next dealer. 15) The person next to you on the plane that uses both armrests, takes their shoes off, or snores. 16) Talking on the phone in public-i.e. walking on the track or in the park, shopping in the grocery store, and in a retail store. 17) Bad Tippers 18) a President who has the vocabulary of a fourth grader. Repetition of adverbs and adjectives cover his lack of knowledge. If I hear "really great", "very importantly", "huge", "millions and billions", "biggest ever", "tremendously" and "very nasty" one more time you'll need to peel me off the ceiling. My grandchildren have impressive verbal abilities that far exceed the President's (and they are 5,6,7,10, and 12!. He tries to cover up the fact that he has nothing intelligent to say. 19) Technology-I hate the Apple phone updates, the never ending texts and emails confirming appointments and taking surveys, emails that suddenly disappear, hulu asking me to sign in suddenly, the calendar that switches the time as I'm inserting the appointment... 20) People who don't wash their hands after going to the bathroom 21) Chronic lateness-why is your time more valuable than mine? It shows a lack of respect. 22) Doctors who make you wait in the waiting room for 40-60 minutes. Then,when you are finally called into an examining room you have to wait another 30 minutes until your physician enters the room. So annoying!! By then my blood pressure is through the roof and they wonder why!! Now that I've got all of you pondering your pet peeves, I'll say goodbye! PEACE OUT-ONE B For those who celebrate Easter - Enjoy the holiday! For those who celebrate Passover-Wishing you a Zissen Pesach!

The Unspoken Rules of a Successful Relationship

As we approach Valentine's Day, I've been thinking about what makes a relationship work. Whether you are dating, engaged, married, or living together it takes a lot of effort to have a continuous loving bond. Many factors contribute to a long lasting alliance. First and foremost, you must communicate clearly, and really listen to what your partner is expressing. Do NOT deny or defend your behavior. Try to understand that if your partner is upset or sad about something, it is valid. PERIOD. Even if you don't think you committed an egregious act, listen to what the other person is expressing. And remember, that Yelling does not make your spouse or significant other hear you better. Have a calm discussion and try to compromise with one another and resolve the issues. FORGIVE and RESPECT one another; and value each other's input. ALWAYS APOLOGIZE-YOU ARE ALWAYS WRONG! Never say something you cannot take back or that you will regret. Your partner(spouse, fiance)will remember that comment forever. It will come back to haunt you in every argument; and it will come between you again and again. Everyone disagrees sometimes, but no matter how heated things get, NEVER call each other names. That's just basic respect. Be transparent at all times. Discussions about medical issues, money issues, work issues, friend issues, and children issues are necessary and should not be held back. Trust is crucial in a relationship and it is almost impossible to repair once its broken. If you love someone, you should not hold back any information. That is the worst way to approach a problem. No one wants to be shielded or protected from the truth. Rather, they want to help find a solution to the problem (which involves both of you). We need to ask, "how can I help?" Tell each other what you need, and don't assume the other person automatically knows what is needed. Don't take your children's side in front of them. If you disagree with your spouse or partner-do it privately. In other words, have a united front in front of the kids, and have an independent discussion later. Never put down your spouse in front of anyone: (friends/family). And, ESPECIALLY not to your parents. You may think it's okay to vent or it's funny, but it is not. And most importantly, if you are the one doing the listening-do not comment! Tomorrow the couple will be totally fine, and now they're pissed at you. Don't criticize your significant others parents, siblings, relatives-unless they initiate. And even then, they'll end up resenting your criticism at a later date. Try to remain silent-it's super hard.... Don't believe your spouse or partner when they say they need nothing or don't want a present. It doesn't have to be a big deal. The smallest gesture is appreciated (however, not a blender, toaster, or socks!). How about a love letter? Find a way to split chores. If one cooks, the other can do the dishes. If one does the laundry, the other can fold it. If one grocery shops, the other can unpack the groceries. Easy Peasy. Don't try to change each others basic character traits. You knew about them when you fell in love. In fact, those characteristics might have been the impetus for your initial attraction. Don't try to change your significant other. Let them SHINE! Couples should share values, morals, goals, and fun. Pursue your common interests. Travel, sports, music, literature, food, theater, current events, cards, movies.. Make time for each other as a couple to enjoy those interests-it's so important to take this time and enjoy one another. We never know what tomorrow brings. However, it is of utmost importance to plan for personal time as well. It is necessary to have independent hobbies and the freedom to do them without pressure or guilt from your partner. Physical Connection-Kiss, hold hands, dance, cuddle, touch, have sex-no one is ever too old and it's so crucial to have that physical bond. Whether you have been together for 48 years or for 3 years, honesty and empathy go a long way. Every couple is different and what worked for your great grandparents or your best friend may be the total opposite of what works for you and your significant other. Each long term relationship has its own secrets and love language. And, YES, Sometimes you will drive your partner crazy. But remember to have love, gratitude, compassion, laughs, fun, and sex. If you don't continually nurture those, you can't maintain a healthy and happy love connection. WISHING EVERYONE A HAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY! PEACE OUT-ONE B

GOLDEN GLOBES; MOVIES I NEED TO SEE; AND YOU'VE GOT TO HAVE FRIENDS

BEST DRESSED 1) Anna Sawai-Winner of Shogun. Her leather Dior Bustier and Skirt were exquisite. Her hair and skin were perfection. And that Cartier necklace was beyond. Understated elegance. 2) Salma Hayek- The burgundy Gucci dress with a sequinned bodice and assymetrical train looked magnificent on her. I LOVED Lorrine Schwartz 300 carat emerald necklace. The contrast of colors complemented each other so well. I'm not a matchy matchy jewelry person. She should've eliminated the emerald cocktail ring and the emerald earrings and the green eyeshadow. That said, she still looked stunning. 3) Anya-Taylor Joy-Her vintage Dior gown combined with her hair and skin looked amazing. The Tiffany neckace with 64 carats of opals took my breath away. That necklace was EVERYTHING! I couldn't take my eyes off of her. Again, ditch the matching bracelet. Not necessary. 4) Demi Moore-Donning an Armani Prive metallic silk gown, she was one of my favorites. Her hair looked great; her body looked great; and the earrings and bracelet were lovely. 5) Zendaya-I always like her fashion choices. Her burnt orange Louis Vuitton gown paired with the 31 carat Bulgari paraiba and diamond necklace did not disappoint. She evoked Old Hollywood glamour. 6) Viola Davis-I can't leave her out. The recycled v-neck black sequinned Gucci gown was great. The striped multi-color cape looked fabulous. And, that hair was the finishing touch. I wish I could've partied with her at Studio 54! WORST DRESSED-OH, SO MANY... 1) Naomi Watts-From the neck up, she looked pretty. The Schiaperelli dress, however, was a total miss! A horrendous pink hem-ugh. 2) Nicole Kidman-Many will disagree, but her total look fell short. She is usually a best dressed pick for me. I didn't dig the Balenciaga gown, or her hair style, or her weird face work, or her Boucheron earrings. 3) Angelina Jolie-She consistently is the worst dressed. She needs a new stylist. The silver metallic Mcqueen gown missed the mark. BORING! 4) Cate Blanchett-The gold LV gown was unflattering and ill fitted. Enough said. 5) Selena Gomez- You can't argue that she looked classy and elegant in her ice blue Prada gown. But, I thought the off the shoulder Cinderella gown paired with her hair was very Jackie O and I wanted her to look more youthful and less matronly. 6) Dakota and Elle Fanning-Dolce and Gabbana red gown with a slit; Balmain champagne gown with a cheetah bodice: They looked like "ladies of the night". 7) Emma Stone-The haircut was ok. The dress was ok. Together nothing worked. Hated the look. JEWELRY WORTH A SECOND LOOK 1) Sarah Paulson-Wearing the Debeer diamond "Individuality" necklace which gave zebra vibes with black lacquer and 41 carats of diamonds. Normally, this wouldn't be my taste, but I thought it was cool. 2) Sofia Vergara-Generally, I dislike her dresses at all awards shows. However, her jewels were off the charts. She wore a 140 Carat diamond necklace with a 28 carat center marquis stone. The rings weren't too shabby-a 25 carat diamond on one hand and a 7 carat on the other hand. Be still my heart! MOVIES I NEED TO SEE (AFTER THIS AWARD SHOW) 1) LEE 2) CONCLAVE 3) ANORA 4) I'M STILL HERE (not the one with Joaquin Phoenix. The one with Fernanda Torres) 5) A DIFFERENT MAN 6) HERETIC 7) THE APPRENTICE 8) THE BRUTALIST 9) THE ROOM NEXT DOOR FRIENDS (an op-ed, sort of...) Throughout my early years and young adulthood I generally preferred hanging out with my guy friends. I wasn't a girl's girl. I didn't enjoy doing "girly" things. The guys kept it fun, easy, and simple. Sports and politics were the primary topics. Stick ball and kick the can on the street until late into the night was what I liked. With girls, there was often drama, some pettiness, and unnecessary gossip or mean behavior. As I got older, I had both girl and guy friends and I loved being with all types of people: the jocks, the hippies, and the intellectuals. I still didn't find talking about boys, fashion, hair, nails very exciting. (Okay, don't shame me! Above I've written an entire blog on fashion and jewelry and hair!!) But, things change. Life happens. Work happens. Marriage and kids happen. And as I've aged, I've come to recognize and value the worth of girlfriends. I truly cherish the times I spend with my girlfriends. (I'm still not a lady who likes to lunch or get a massage or have a spa day). With my friends I feel seen and heard. We can talk about everything. For example, sitting around a canasta table we jump from topic to topic: Children, Siblings, Books, Restaurants, Movies, Broadway Shows, Husbands, Pillow selections, Politics...I could go on forever. Nothing is off limits. With my friends, I can vent, cry, laugh, and confide my innermost secrets. The truth is that I, often, feel more at ease and less judged expressing my fears and (current) anxieties to friends rather than a family member. Rather than "poo poo" me, they listen, empathize, show compassion, and voice their opinions. My girlfriends provide me with their morals, intelligence, common sense, and humor. I don't want to keep it simple anymore. I want to go deep sometimes. I surround myself with people I care about and who care about me. And yes, these days I also enjoy talking about makeup, fashion, and jewelry! But, you already knew that! "FOR GOOD TIMES AND BAD TIMES I'LL BE ON YOUR SIDE FOREVER MORE THAT'S WHAT FRIENDS ARE FOR" To the people in California-I feel for all of you. My thoughts and prayers are with you every minute. PEACE OUT-ONE B

MUSINGS AND AMUSEMENTS TO WELCOME 2025

Recently, my husband and I took a river cruise on the Rhine to visit the Christmas Markets. Some of my girlfriends asked if I actually meant to go on a Christmas Market cruise. The answer is a definitive YES. The markets and cities were magical, and this was a bucket list trip for me after watching so many (Hallmark) Christmas movies over the years and drooling over the exquisite markets. They did not disappoint! So, I have a few observations and musings regarding the cruise, the cities, the people, and most important, the local food at the markets. Here goes: MUSINGS 1) Cobblestone is incredibly tough to walk on when it's dry; forget how hard it is to negotiate when wet on rainy days! (it rained many days). 2) One should always bring a flashlight when traveling. Germany, France, and Switzerland get dark very early and with few street lights, it helps to carry a light, in addition to your phone flashlight. 3) Grafitti is EVERYWHERE. Especially in Cologne and Heidelberg, but throughout all of Germany, It is considered an art form and not painted over, as in our country. Often, (in my opinion) it detracts from the natural beauty of the buildings and parks, but generally, it is admired and welcomed. 4) It's great to have a pension! I had the opportunity to meet retired people with pensions who were cruising with us. There were teachers, principals, professors, administrators of colleges, judges, former CIA, federal government employees, etc. and these people were living the life! They had generous pensions, social security benefits, and all the time in the world to travel. 5) Much of the gift offerings at the markets are similar-if you've seen one, you've seen them all. Veer off and explore the cities-Cologne, Heidelberg, Amsterdam, Rudesheim, and Lucerne are beyond beautiful. So much to see, and do, and buy. 6) Man, do Germans love their Wurst! It is a staple in German Cuisine. It is eaten in the morning, afternoon and evening! There is bratwurst, knackwurst, leberwurst, currywurst, kohlwurst, etc. I could go on forever-there are 1500 varieties. They also love their beer and mulled wine to accompany the wurst. Every Christmas Market serves Wurst, beers, and mulled wines. 7) Every market we went to we indulged in the local food-all of it was delicious. My favorites: a)German Christmas Market Mushrooms(Champignons)in garlic sauce: ooh la la-deliciousness. b)Kartoffelpuffer-I love to say the word! It is an enormous potato latke fried from scratch and served with either applesauce or a garlic sourcream. This seems to be the most popular offering at the markets-the lines are long and for good reason. It doesn't disappoint. YUM. c)Flamkuchen-German skinni(est) flatbread pizza with onion, bacon, and cheese. The crispiest cracker-like crust can be done a zillion ways-if you don't want meat, order it with vegetables and cheese. Wonderful with a glass of crisp cold German wine. So incredibly fabulous. d)Fondue-They serve their fondue with potatoes and bread for the dipping. Just paste 20 lbs. to my hips. I literally wished I had a spoon to eat the fondue directly from the pot. Nothing beat sitting outside by the river with fur blankets looking at the twinkling lights of Lucerne and enjoying this local dish. You're on vacation. Live a little. Eat their wonderful cheeses, amazing chocolates, and fabulous wines. It's so worth it! AMUSEMENTS 1) The Split-two part wedding special. Dec 29. It should be coming to Hulu. The first three seasons are on Hulu now. A family of female divorce lawyers. Very Good. 2) The Agency-An undercover CIA is forced to abandon his secret life and return to London where the love of his life reappears. Michael Fassbender and Richard Gere-so easy on the eyes. But, I don't know WTF is happening. Hard to follow. HBO 3) Shrinking-All star cast with Jason Segel and Harrison Ford about a group of shrinks and their lives. Funny, touching, fabulous.... Apple TV. 4) Bad Sisters-A dark comedy about sisters being investigated for the death of their brother-in-law. Bingeworthy and enjoyable. Apple TV 5) Yellowstone-Season 5 just finished. Such a great series. You can't take your eyes off Beth and Rip. Who needs Costner? Rumor is there will be a spin off with Beth and Rip. Love this show. Paramount+. 6) Virgin River-Season 6 just ended. It's a sappy, soap opera type show, which I admit, I have indulged in every season. Mindless and sweet. Easy viewing. Netflix. 7) The Sticky-Jamie Lee Curtis and Margo Martin star in this series about a syrup farmer. Holds no interest for me. Prime. 8) No Good Deed-Ray Romano and Lisa Kudrow. Three families competed to buy the same home, which they believe will solve their problems. I have to be honest-I couldn't stand listening to Lisa Kudrow. I had to turn it off. Netflix. 9) The Bad Monkey-Vince Vaughn stars as a former Police Dept. member turned health inspector trying to solve a case involving a human arm. Not for me, but people like it. Apple TV. 10)Dexter-Original Sin-An all star cast with Christian Slater, Patrick Dempsey, and Sara Michelle Geller. I haven't started this but remember liking the original Dexter. This isn't calling to me. Showtime. 11)Disclaimer-starring Cate Blanchette and Kevin Kline. Psychological thriller which I really liked. Very controversial-many hated it. See for yourself. Tidbit: Leila George, who plays the young Blanchette is absolutely stunning. Once married to Sean Pean; daughter of Greta Scacchi and Vincent D'Onofrio. I give it a thumbs up-worthwhile watch. MOVIES(additional AMUSEMENTS) 1) A COMPLETE UNKNOWN-Run, don't walk. Timothy Chalamet is incredible as Dylan and Monica Barbaro is fabulous as Joan Baez. Ed Norton and Elle Fanning are also exceptional. These are academy worthy performances and it is a beautifully crafted film. Do not miss this. In Theaters. 2) BabyGirl-Maybe crawl and possibly go, but with trepidation. Nicole gives a stellar performance, but be forewarned. This has tons of dominant/submissive sex throughout and at times, is extremely difficult to watch. I also didn't find her co-star Harris Dickinson that appealing which made it even a bit more challenging for me. Anyway, she will be nominated for an academy award for this performance. My advice: watch it at home-not in the theater! 3) The Brutalist-Coming very soon to theaters. Starring Adrien Brody. Escaping postwar Europe, Architect Lazlo Toth is commissioned to create a building by a wealthy client who recognizes his talent. Running time is 215 minutes with an intermission. Supposedly, a phenomenal masterpiece. Can't wait to see it. Pee before it begins! And bring snacks!! 4) The Last Showgirl-starring Pamela Anderson and Jamie Lee Curtis. Directed by Gia Coppola. After a successful 30 year run, a showgirl needs to plan her future when the show closes. Anderson is receiving critical praise for her performance. Looks like it will be great! Coming soon. MOVIES(additional Amusements to watch at home) 1) Goodrich-AppleTV. Michael Keaton is wonderful in this touching movie. I loved it. So worthwhile. 2) My Old Ass-Prime. An 18th birthday mushroom trip brings a girl face to face with her 39 year old self. I liked it! Worth a look. 3) Fly Me To The Moon-Prime. All star cast: Scarlett Johanssson, Channing Tatum, Colin Jost, Woody Harrelson. Romance between a marketing executive and a NASA official. I watched it on the plane! It was cute. I recommend it. 4) Little Fish-Starring Cate Blanchette. It got good reviews but full disclosure: I fell asleep. It was sad and depressing and slow. Doubtful I'll give it another try. Amazon Prime. 5) The Fabulous Four-Ensemble cast: Midler, Sarandon, Spacek, Mullally. Friends travel to Key West to be bridesmaids to Midler. Absolutely horrible, but you might find it charming! Amazon Prime. 6) Maria-Suppposedly, an exceptional performance by Angelina Jolie portraying Maria Callas. Again, it didn't hold my attention and I fell asleep. Might try again but I'm not a huge fan of Jolie. See for yourself and decide. netflix. LOCAL RESTAURANTS I WANT TO TRY: Napoli-Montclair. Amerigo-Berkley Heights. Osteria Lk-Maplewood. ALL ARE BYO. BAUBLES FOR MY AMUSEMENT The jewelry line I'm coveting these days is Reza. Pretty and pric.ey. Bangles and Collars are exceptional worldofreza.com As the year of 2024 comes to an end, I am so thankful for my wonderful family, my amazing friends, and everyone in my life that helps me get through each minute, day, week and month-you all know who you are. I take nothing for granted at this point in my life. Every day is a true gift! That being said, it is a time for reflection, renewal, and growth. We must continue to be curious, to learn, and to grow. That's what will keep our bodies and minds young. Sometimes it's scary to try new things and step outside of your comfort zone. But, we must feel the fear-and do it anyway! That's the definition of GROWTH. May we all continue to flourish, grow, and learn in the year 2025. Wishing you a year filled with HOPE, HAPPINESS, HEALTH AND PEACE. PEACE OUT-ONE B

HOW TO MANAGE FAMILY DYNAMICS STRESS FREE DURING THE HOLIDAYS

Thanksgiving has always been my favorite holiday. I hosted this holiday for 45 years and gave it my all every year. There was nothing more fun than getting my family together and celebrating how much we all have to be grateful for. As the years went on, a move from a home to a condo occured. We downsized. As my home grew smaller, my family grew larger. My daughters brought boyfriends, who eventually become husbands. They went on to have children and each year the day brought more happiness and new cherished attendees(my grandchildren)to our holiday table. I then decided to also host the next day to accommodate siblings, in-laws, college friends, nieces, nephews and may others. Two years ago, somewhat regretfully, slightly reluctantly, and somewhat relieved, I decided to turn over my hosting duties to my most capable daughters. I could no longer accommodate the quantity of people or do the quantity of work that it entailed. I still make 14 desserts and several sides so I haven't given up my role entirely-after all, what would Thanksgiving be without Gramercy Tavern Brownies, Three day rockin' rice pudding, and Emeril's chocolate bread pudding with fresh schlag? Inevitably, even families who have strong and loving relationships can hit snags at this time of year. The younger group (my daughters/their husbands) have lots to do: In addition to work and kids schedules, they now have also taken over the planning, shopping, cooking, and hosting. And the older generation must let go of the many roles we used to take on at the holidays. Now, being on the sidelines, personally, I feel a bit removed and a little sad. Maybe even invisible? In addition, many of our loved ones are now missing- In my case, my sister and her husband live in South Carolina, my parents, my husband's parents, and my brother-in-law have all passed. It's somewhat bittersweet. Your loved ones who are present need to understand, recognize, and empathize the difficult emotions the older generation might be experiencing. On the plus side, this year for the first time, I have my sister-in- law, brother-in-law and their children(whom I adore)! That makes me ecstatic! Yet, regardless of how much we all love one another, tensions do arise and expectations might not be met, and some eye rolling might occur! If someone pisses you off, don't respond right away-take a pause. Learn to disagree in a more agreeable way. Maybe ask the person why they made that comment and try to understand rather than be confrontational. Respect one another-let's veer away from politics for one evening, and keep your phones out of sight for the night. It's a lot of work to put this day together. Show your appreciation. In my personal experience, over the years, many of my loved ones find it entertaining to jest with me thinking that it's funny and I can handle it. So full disclosure, I can't. In that moment of jest, I actually feel disrepected and unloved. Instead, families should try to focus on the positives. Be thankful for the multitude of blessings we have right in front of us. Express gratitude and thanks to your family and friends for their support. Thus,the name, THANKSGIVING. With the upcoming holidays of Thanksgiving, Chanukah, Christmas, and the New Year, try and remember to do the following: BE KIND; BE GENTLE; BE RESPECTFUL; BE PATIENT; AND BE PRESENT. And, hopefully, you will have a stress free holiday season! PEACE OUT: ONE B

TURNING 70 ON THE WEEKEND OF TESHUVAH

In several weeks I will be having a major birthday. I can't believe the actual number-it is daunting! As it turns out, my birthday falls on the weekend of Yom Kippur, a time when we ask for forgiveness, atone for our sins, and ask to be written in the Book of Life. Rather than hyper focussing on the number I will shortly become, I started to examine some of the Al Chet prayers (44 of them) that we repeat many times throughout Yom Kippur services. My birthday should be a time of reflection, just as Yom Kippur is a time of reflection. Full disclosure, I am not a very religious person. I grew up in Westfield and attended the reformed Temple Emanuel led by the renowned Rabbi Kroloff. Rabbi Kroloff Bat Mitzvahed me and also married Jud and me. Yet, eventhough I am not religious, I fully embrace my Judaism. This milestone Birthday forces me to acknowledge that we do not live forever. We all must struggle to right our wrongs now, and apologize to those we have hurt. All of us seek to be forgiven-everyone is imperfect. We all make mistakes at one time or another. Part of being human is making mistakes and learning from them. And, then, learning to forgive ourselves while striving to do better. When one begins to look at the task of Teshuvah(repenting),it can be overwhelming. I want to examine just a few of the Al Chet prayers during this time of reflection. "For mistakes we have committed against you by having a hard heart." We can ask ourselves was I kind, compassionate, and loving when my family and friends needed me? "For mistakes we committed without thinking or without knowledge." Do I carefully examine my surroundings and weigh what is right and wrong? Here the question of how do we deal with people who hold differing views from our own? This is especially relevant regarding the deep polarization and negativity of political parties in the last decade. We might react to an opinion we encounter either in conversation or in the media and think, how can any reasonable human actually believe something like that? We must try and temper our judgement and not admonish those for having a different view than our own. Maybe, just maybe, we can have a civil discussion to understand one another's reasons for their thoughts. "For mistakes we committed before you through things we blurted out with our lips." Do I think before I speak? Do I gossip, or engage in idle chatter or foolish speech? Do I elevate others with encouraging words? "For mistakes committed before you by degrading parents and teachers? Do(Did) I sometimes act disrepectfully to my parents? Do(Did) I recognize and appreciate how much my parents have done for me? Am I respectful of my teachers, and grateful for their knowledge and help? Do I give enough special attention to the needs of the elderly and empathize with their frustration in the aging process? "For mistakes committed before you by throwing off the yoke, which means refusing to accept responsibility." Am I reliable and dependable? Have I accepted family responsibilities and gladly assisted whenever needed? Have I said I am sorry for my actions? Birthdays and Yom Kippur force us to think about our journey through life, our past actions, and to always cherish our friends and family while also staying true to ourselves. It is a time to search our hearts once again and to banish anything that is displeasing. To DO BETTER and to BE BETTER. There is always room for improvement, no matter how old we are. Wishing all of you a Happy and Healthy New Year. PEACE OUT - ONE B

THE LAST VESTIGES OF CHIVALRY

Manners are extremely important. I often observe people and note that many men, women, and children are not respectful of others. This goes back to what we are taught at an early age from our elders. Originally, Chivalry started as a code of honor for Knights at war in the Middle Ages. The combination of qualities expected of an ideal Knight were courage, honor, courtesy, and justice. Later, chivalry was defined as a gallant and a distinguished gentleman. It was the honorable and polite way of behaving by men towards women. Is Chivalry dead today? I can tell you that my Dad and my Father-in-law were consummate gentlemen. I, too, am lucky to have a husband who is the ultimate gentleman not only towards me, but towards all women, and towards all humans regardless of their gender. Some examples of (his) chivalrous actions are: 1) Holding a door open. 2) Always coming around to my side of the car to open the door for me; and when raining, to open the umbrella for me and walking me to my destination. 3) Standing up when a woman approaches a table and not return to sitting position until they leave, or if they insist that he sits down. 4) Pulling out a chair for me at a restaurant and pushing me in. 5) Offering me his jacket when I'm cold. 6) Truthfully, if he had a cape, he would lay it down over a puddle so that I wouldn't ruin my shoes! 7) Helping me put on a coat or jacket, and then helping me to take it off. 8) Going to the front door to pick up a date (when we were dating). But often going to the front door to retrieve our friends for a night out (when we are driving and we go to pick them up.) 9) Always offering his seat on a train, a bus, in the airport, at a doctor's office, or while waiting to in the foyer of a restaurant to be seated at our table. 10) In the movie, the Intern, starring Robert DeNiro and Anne Hathaway, DeNiro explains to his younger colleagues why he carries a handkerchief. He doesn't use them, but he says "you never know when a women will need one." (My dapper and James Bond-like father- in-law,Jerry, ALWAYS carried a handkerchief!) Some may believe that chivalry is patronizing and based on misogynistic ideas. Why should we praise men for doing the bare mininmum? Nor should Women should not be considered delicate or fragile. Many parents might object to teaching their young sons to practice these chivalrous acts. My response to this is that we should be teaching BOTH our sons and daughters to be generous and helpful at all times. Practice kindness towards everyone: boys, girls men, women, and the elderly-EVERYONE. These acts exhibit common courtesy and decency. In essence, true chivalry is showing respect for others. I might add to this list that there is no need to use technology while socializing. We need to stow away our phones in social situaltions. While dining or chatting with others, there should not be a phone on the table or in your hand. You should focus on, and enjoy the people in front of you. Looking at your phone at these times is just plain rude and insulting. (Of course, there are exceptions: emergencies, baby sitter calls, etc.) Personally, I don't interpret chivalry as sexist. I very much appreciate good manners. Teach your children and grandchildren they can and should offer help to others regardless of gender. In your house, teach gender equality for all chores and for the occupations they can choose later in life. Both sons and daughters can take on domestic labor: do the laundry, fold the laundry, wash dishes, cook, vacuum, reset a fusebox, unclog a drain, change sheets or make a bed. And, children should also be confident in the knowledge that they can be anything they want to be. Most importantly, your children and grandchildren should understand that being a nice person means being respectful and responsive to others needs. DeNiro says in The Intern, "You're never wrong to do the right thing." Joke of the day: How is Coors Light like making love in a canoe? They're both f'---ing close to water. Enjoy your Labor Day Weekend! Happy Birthday Dani and Lily-love you to the moon. PEACE OUT-ONE B